Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

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R.I.P.->Memorializing Irvin Stutsman With Trash

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Perfect. Irvin Stutsman's memorial should be your guide when your loved one gets run over by an 18-wheeler. Weather beaten garland. Mildewing plastic flowers. A broken hubcap in a litter filled ditch. The only thing missing is a shit-for-brains standing around with a thumb up his... No wait, they even got that. Good job.

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As openly a callous prick that I am, it amazes me that people still overestimate my ability to care or think that I value their opinions. Prove me right at jason@porkjerky.com.