There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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  A Memorial To Roadside Memorials  
A Memorial To Roadside MemorialsA Memorial To Roadside MemorialsA Memorial To Roadside Memorials
  A Memorial To Roadside Memorials  
  A Memorial To Roadside Memorials  

Then Drown The Motherfuckers In Their Own Piss

For every email I get wishing harm upon me and my loved ones unless I become more compassionate, I get one pleading with me to come to some shit town and photograph a memorial defiling a precious community. Because I am a noble man of half the people, I decided to make it easier for all you helpful idiots to submit memorials for me to add to my roadside memorial collection, and consequently easier for me to disregard them.

Submit A Roadside Memorial
Deceased's Name:
Memorial Location:
City/State:
Story Synopsis:
Documentation:
Your Email:

Use the above form to submit a memorial you think is worthy of my collection. Every field is required and there are 4 criteria you should use when submitting crosses:

1. I need a good, documented story.   Some lady just crashing into a pillar will not make the cut. Unless of course she was the president of MADD. Or riding an emu. Or on her way from the hospice to the convent. Or something else that marries horrible with hilarious. Also, I don't trust you. Provide a source for your story--a specific url or the name, date, section and page of a newspaper.

2. It must provide a good picture opportunity.   If your cross is in the median of an interstate, I'm not risking my life trying to cross traffic to get to it. Nor can it just be a shitty 2-foot cross with nothing on it. I need a good picture, preferably with a good backdrop--a seatbelt factory, an abortion clinic, the White House, etc.

3. Provide a valid location.   Don't type in 'highway in Cali'. The exact location you provide must be googlable. Run it by them then submit it to me.

4. Give a valid email address.   If your memorial meets the 3 prior criteria I will contact you to verify some things. If you put in the best cross ever and use fake@fake.com as your email then your just jerking off because, no matter how many orphans the popemobile took with it when it rolled over, I am not going to do jack fuck with your memorial.

Now, before any of you egomaniacs get all Zimaed up and go out joyriding hoping to get your own roadside cross and the infamy that goes with it being included in my site, make a rough draft of your memorial.

$50 reward to the first person who provides adequate information that leads to me getting my picture taken beside a memorial for people who got run over while putting up a roadside memorial. Capricious restrictions apply.
To ensure your economic future, learn a trade. They can't outsource carpentry or cocksucking to India.
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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.