Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

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R.I.P.->Memorializing Courtney Lett With Shit

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Don't Take My Word For It.
Here Are My Sources For
Courtney Lett

Online Article 1 Online Article 2 Online Article 3 Willie Mays

My story for this one starts in a magical time called 2000 and a wonderful place called the New York Times. On August 15th they run some sort of fluff piece about teens fucking. In which, on the 10th to last line of the article, they quoted a young Courtney Lett who gave her views on fucking and drinking.

And I quote, "I see kids who get drunk and have sex. They don't think anything bad can happen to them. I'm just not that confident. ". Quite the wise and foreshadowing young lady.

Flash forward to the day after her 22nd birthday. With a blood alcohol content equal to Willie Mays' lifetime batting average (.302) she drives the wrong way on US Highway 71 for 6 miles before hitting a tractor-trailer head on. Courtney died instantly and the driver of the tractor-trailer died not so instantly.

While it did take him a year to kick the bucket, the courts said Courtney was responsible. Way to go Courtney. Usually, the tractor-trailers wins in a blowout. Sure, it was a suicide mission but for the first time, I found a person who took on an 18-wheeler and won--well, tied.

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