Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

Porkjerky.com

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R.I.P.->Commemorating Zach Gamble With Crap

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Don't Take My Word For It.
Here Are My Sources For
Zach Gamble

Online Article 1 Online Article 2 Memorial Site

Maybe he was trying to hunt down Santa. Perhaps he was trying to save all the grandmothers in the area who were walking home that night from being run over. He might have even been looking to do a gainer with a half twist off that bridge at 63rd and Raytown Traffic way so he could get some shitty plastic flowers, a kickass banner and his own url.

All I found about his death was wild speculation and sparse facts. While I am full of and all for the former, here's the latter: On December 24th 2007, Zach Gamble leaves his house at 10 pm to do god knows what with god knows who. And that's the last anyone saw of him until January 5th 2008 when they found his body at the bottom of the ravine that bridge is over.

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Direct all hate mail to jason@porkjerky.com and remember to attach naked pictures of your grandmother to guarantee a quick response. The more pink the better.