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Random Porkjerky Page
A Tribute To Shitty Driving
Ending World Hunger Ending
Resignation Letter Generator
Let's Rape The Bellagio Fountains
Porkjerky Translator
The Best Roadside Cross
The Best Roadside Cross Story
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Look Who Put Down His Cock For 2 Seconds
And Added Crap To His Shitpile Website
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After a long hard day of throwing rocks at orphans, tearing the wings off of baby chicks and sucking trucker cock at the Waffle House for $5 a load (mention this ad and get a second for 1/2 off), I like to think back to my childhood and cut myself. Following that, but before I cry myself to sleep, I work on my site. Below, in probably chronological order, are all the updates I have made.
I seek nothing in return for the endless enjoyment and education you get from it. All I ask is that porkjerky.com, like AIDS and slavery, only be used to perform good in the world. Amen and God bless.
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| | | | Webster's dictionary defines 'prose' as a dull or
ordinary quality or conditon. Man, that cute, orphaned black midget completely nailed my writing style. Enjoy.
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3/18/21
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Don't get caught in the "bad part of town" (wink wink) again.
Enter an address and find out how "blighted" (if you know what I mean) the area is surrounding that location.
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| | | | You're done. Put down the brush you've barely picked up.
Throw away those almost new tubes of paint, and burn that sparsely painted canvas you've dribbled your insipid soul onto. You're art career ends
now motherfucker.
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8/26/18
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Sure, self-driving cars will make transit more efficient, economical,
and convenient. But at what cost to the entertainment of us assholes?
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| | | | Whether you're a 75 year old who refers to the 44th president as the Coon-mander
In Chief or you're a 23 year old feminist vegan entering your 7th semester of community college majoring in Ethnic Studies; I guarantee you're gonna
hate these jokes.
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4/29/16
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Right now, someone's looking for a video of a drunk World War II veteran
getting farted on by a transexual with a hook arm to jack it to. Odds are, the internet's not gonna dissapoint him.
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| | | | 12 Dumbasses dumbassing, 11 Piss-poor Motorists Motoring Piss-poorly, 10
Losers-a-Flat-Lining, 9 Ladies Driving...
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8/23/14
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About 32 times a day, every day; in the full view of the world,
the most beautiful thing humanity has ever created, gets its soul gang raped by that same humanity.
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| | | | Yup, still adding memorials to my shitty site. Try and learn from this. Threats
on my life haven't worked, wishes for death and injury to my loved ones has had no effect. God love you guys, I've even gotten appeals to my sense of
compassion and empathy. Very cute. Keep trying though. I'm not saying yeah or nah, I'm just pointing out that blowjobs and cash haven't been tried yet.
A little more carrot and a little less stick is all.
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1/20/13
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Don't believe the propoganda spread by Big Porn: You don't have to be "attractive",
"in-shape", "well-endowed", "hygienic", "disease-free" or any of those other buzzwords to be a porn star today. Just aim and shoot with your
cocks and cameras.
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| | | | Fuck the Ides Of March. Beware of trains, motorcycles, shitty
tattoos and as everyone knows, the Mississippi school system.
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9/17/11
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Who needs aborted babies when you have people like me?
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12/8/10
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Dear Jesus Claus;
This year I want an iPad, world
peace, Halo Reach, relaxing of DUI enforcement, Zhu Zhu pets, more teen and women drivers, a pony, repeal of seat belt laws, Dance Star Mickey
and an endless supply of plastic flowers, boards, mailbox lettering and pinwheels for all those poor people who want to shit on the memory of their
dead loved ones. Oh, and as usual, a cure for my butt herpes.
Sincerly, jason.
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| | | | God, buddha, jesus, superman, mohammed or even David Koresh; if
any of you truly exist, please hear my prayers and give pancreatic cancer to every fucking breast cancer awareness evangelist and anyone who
supports them. In your name(s) amen.
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9/16/10
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Good news: Society held up its end of the bargain. Pursuant to our agreement, you
dumbfucks kept putting trash in ditches to memorialize your deceased loved ones. And I'm doing my part to hold the mirror so you can see the reflection
of what you created.
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| | | | First I let you shit image ads all over the web with the
Porkjerky.com Banner Ad Network. Now, In my benevolent quest to drown the internet in
its own puke, I give you customizable text ads. Eat 'em up idiots. | | | | |
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3/1/10
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Wow, this thing is like...ummm....Okay, I got it...Its as awesome as...Nope, that's not it
either...I'm drawing a blank. If only I could compose the perfect comparative statement to accurately describe how great this thing is.
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