R.I.P.->Memorializing Who The Fuck Knows With Crap

Bear with me this is going to take a little bit to get from this memorial light pole to yet another thing wrong with the world according to Old Man Curless, but since this fucking cross didn't have a name, its the best I can do. Honestly, if you lazy cuntballs expect me to help you shit on the memory of your loved ones, you are going to have to carry a little more of the load.

I took this pic about 10 months before I actually got around to using it on my site. Mainly because it had no fucking name on it and the picture isn't prima facie funny: I had nothing. Then one day while researching to see if I could register myself, my 6 year old nephew and/or my dog as sex offenders without ever having been arrested or convicted of a sex crime, I hit on a brillant idea. I remembered this pic was taken in the heart of Independence, Missouri; and as we all know, the only thing Independicans love more than meth, Power Ball, tribal arm band tattoos, 3 am bar closing times, food stamps, back child support and energy drinks is committing sex crimes. So I decided to run this memorial's address through a sex offender map.

And boy was I offended.

Not by the over 1900 registered sex offenders within 5 a mile radius of that cross, many of which were for offenses against children, but by the molestation my eyes got from the fucking ads which were all over that god damn site. There was an image ad in the header, 3 ads in the left, 3 ads in the right column--one of which was an ad from the site itself urging you to buy an ad on the page and then one more image ad in the footer. These cocksacks are literally making money off child rape.

I swear to holy sodomy, nothing is uncapitalizable. Everything in the world is now a money making opportunity. As we speak MBA's are somewhere with a powerpoint plotting out how to monetize...you know what I can't top it. There is no hyperbolic metaphor that I can create that will exceed what this site tries to make a nickel off of.

FWD Holdings Incorporated, a for-profit company, developed a business plan based on sex-crimes. Fuck me violently in my ass, among other places. Don't worry, though, I won't go to the cops because I'll be god damned if I end up as a plot point for these wallet rapists.