There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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Gallery->I Fucking Could Do That

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Black Fire I By Barnett Newman:
The 'I Fucking Could Do That' Inspiration Piece

Sold For $84,165,800

I just can't stress this enough: Fuck You.

Fuck you to Barnett Newman, fuck you to the bullshit buyer, fuck you to the bullshit gallery who displayed this bullshit, fuck you to Christie's for auctioning this bullshit, fuck you to anyone even remotely tangentially related to this fuckingbullshit. If you worked a food truck that served lunch to the employees of the smelting plant that processed the bauxite that would become the tube that held the paint that Barnett Newman eventually used to make this painting--fuck you, get chlamydia in both eyes and die alone.

Black Fire I is just the tip of the turdberg. Abstract, minimalist pieces of shit like it hang in musuems and galleries all across the world. And because of that, artists (who I pray are starving), continue to crank out similar bullshit on a regular basis in the hopes that they find a retarded rich dumbfuck who wants to buy their 2 lines and a circle masterpieces. Go to any art fair and be dissapointingly amazed at the crap these uncreative, talentless assholes are trying to pass off.

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I used to laugh at bible thumpers who got their dicks in a twist when an artist painted the last supper as a gang-bang or put a crucifix in their own piss or used horse shit to sculpt a nativity scene. All those christian crazies protesting because they saw something "offensive". I couldn't relate. How could artwork touch someone so deeply and cause so much anger? Those guys are nutjobs.

But then I went to an art musuem and saw a canvas hanging there with just one god damn circle and a fucking line on it. I turned into a god damn anti-HPV vaccine fundamentalist, born-again christian with a splintery stick in my ass in terms of my moral outrage. I get fucking livid. That bullshit is an affront to humanity. How dare they. Children could be exposed to that. A fucking circle and a line? Is that what we now deem acceptable in society? No, that's offensive and must be taken down.

So naturally, in the spirit of porkjerky, I decided to buttfuck the idea into the ground. Please enjoy my infite gallery titled:

I Fucking Could Do That

Porkjerky.com Dating Tip #37:: If you're gonna to fuck her anyway, don't do that google search about the legal age of consent in your current jurisdiction.
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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
Definitely Not Fucking Art
Porkjerky.com   (est. 1996)
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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.