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I honestly don't think they teach punctuation in schools anymore. Don't fucking need to. Maybe in my grandparents day a semicolon was a way
to bind closely related independent clauses not joined by a coordinating conjunction. But that is so World War I. Today, we use it in coordinating
conjunction with a right-parenthesis to show that we are winking. That's progress my friends; embrace the present.
Maybe if we all get in our Delorians and go back to the time when the world had 2 Germanies and Pepsi was clear we could find out what all
those fucking commas mean. If you look closely you will see one after the month, after the day, even after the year, and between the two names
on the cross.
Shitfucking christ, get someone to proof read your rough draft before you make a cross. The motherfucker even left his caps lock on when
he was writing the names. Worst of all, the cuntbag didn't even put the right name on it. Of course, with a name like
Amy Elizabeth Hedgepath-Shaffer she would have been better keeping her maiden
name of Cox. You read that right. She didn't hyphenate her last name in a macho show of feminism. No, that faggoty, alphabet soup, hyphenated
jumble is her husband's last name.
Amy herself though, was anything but faggoty. Hyphenated and alphabet soupy, maybe. Well at least after
she swerved across the median, into a semi and got ejected from her car.
That'll knock the hedgepath-shaffer out of anyone.
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Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!