Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

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R.I.P.->Eulogizing Sara McGaha & Jay Wetzel With Garbage

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Sara McGaha & Jay Wetzel

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Well, at least Sara Nicole McGaha and Jay Wetzel died while doing something they loved: Not being in Nebraska or North Dakota.

On their way back to Soutwest Baptist University from meeting each other's parents over Christmas break, Wetzel and McGaha died in a 24 car, 10 fatality wreck in Platte City, MO. Two 18-wheelers jack-knifed, one was carrying some sort of hazardous waste, possibly hydrochloric acid. A fire started almost immediately which got so hot it actually welded car frames together. Some victims were so charred and compacted that they were not retrieved until 18 hours afterwards.

I thought my sister had it bad when she had to face my mom's wrath when she flunked out of community college. Turns out that's nothing compared to being smited out of christian college.

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I know what you are thinking and you couldn't be more right. Someone needs to e-mail me at jason@porkjerky.com and tell me how little my dick is and how horribly I need to die.