Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

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Just once, just one fucking time, I want to catch someone in the act of putting up a memorial. I keep a newspaper in my glove compartment in the hope of it happening. I would slam on my brakes, swerve to the shoulder, cut through people's yards, pull a U-turn, drive the wrong way, cut off a cop -- whatever it took to get over to the brainless fuck as fast as possible.

I would grab the newspaper, roll it up, run up on them, grab the back of their neck, drag them right up to the mound they created, yell "No! God damn it. No!", right in their ear. Then I would strengthen my grip on their neck, shake and jerk their head down to the ground, rub their face in it and beat their ass with the newspaper as I go, "No! Bad. Bad. You don't do shit like this. God damn it. No!". Finally, I'd take them to get spayed, neutered, declawed and maybe even a little chemotherapy or bridge work just because I'm a dick.

Mocking crosses on a website is good wholesome fun and all, but because they are so stupid, to teach these piss drinkers that what they are doing is wrong you really have to catch them in the act or they just won't learn.

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Have your attorney use jason@porkjerky.com when making good on your threats to sue me for being an asshole. Of course, the same guy who handled your back child support and DUI cases probably isn't the best representation in this civil matter.