There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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R.I.P.->Eulogizing Jason Hammontree With Crap

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Jason Hammontree
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Memorial For Jason Hammontree

I jumped on his trampoline.

Now, normally thats the sort of bragging exclamation I would make while manning the glory hole at one of the many gay bars I frequent. In this instance it is not. I mean that literally. I went to high school with Jason Hammontree and on more than one occasion was on the giving and receiving ends of a double bouncing in his backyard (again, in this instance, that's to be taken literally and not as some sort of homosexual polyamorus love making act I have paid to be a part of).

Now, in the spirit of being an uncompromising asshole, I am including his cross on my site: The first for anyone I've personally known. Here's the shitty part. I couldn't find jack fuck about how he died. I got an obituary, but that's it.

Now the most important part of all this: Do you think he left a will or do I have a shot at getting that trampoline by contesting probate? Help me Legal Zoom.

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For your convenience, use jason@porkjerky.com to send all prayers for my soul and salvation, as well as any idle threats (lawsuits, death, property, bodily harm, etc.) you need to make.
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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.