R.I.P.->Eulogizing Gary Rowlette With Shit

Ever have a girl make out with you the first time you meet her, the next 24 hours she's constantly sending nudie pics with various things rammed in her twat, gives you a hand job before dinner on the first date, stops by the following day for 10 minutes just to suck you off, later that same week asks you to fuck her in the ass without a rubber, but never, ever let's you even think about having vaginal intercourse with her?

Gary E. Rowlette's death is to the internet, what pussy sex is to that virginal slut.

I couldn't stop finding out shit about Gary E. Rowlette. That is, everything but what I wanted: He was born 8/12/1942 and died 6/22/2002. He's buried in Maitland Cemetery in Maitland Missouri. He served as a Seaman Apprentice, Radioman Striker in the Navy. I know his wife's name, her maiden name, her birthdate, the date they were married and that he had 3 children. For the love of fuck, without even actually trying to find it, I discovered out that his social security number was 490-46-7296.

The internet easily gave up everything there is to know about Gary Rowlette except the one thing I wanted to brag to my friends about--how he actually ate it. No god damn clue as to why that cross is there. So while we can't derive any humor out of how he died, maybe we can all find some comfort in our new Capital One, Citibank and/or Bank Of America credit cards in his name:

Sing the chorus with me: He would have wanted it that way.