There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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Porkjerky.com Going Green Tip #47

The lord knows I'm a simple man; I don't ask him for much. With a few exceptions I basically lead a good life. I don't rape nor bludgeon to death with a tire iron any child, puppy nor senior citizen that doesn't deserve it.

My soul is low maintenance and high reward for him. So I don't think I'm imposing too much on God when I pray to him that he do me one favor. All I ask of him is that when my loved one(s) tragically dies because of their own shitty driving that they eat it near mile marker 120 in Booneville, MO.

Now, I'm not justifying it, condoning it or want any of you lazy pricks stealing my genius idea, but this would be an excellent cross to squat. No, not like that--like what you are doing living in your foreclosed house you Cocksucking Piece Of Shit Thief Motherfucker ™. This cross is begging to be recycled.

So its super late Friday night, almost 9:30; mom and her bingo buddies have had a few too many Ensures and Vodkas at the VFW again, she starts hot rodding her Corsica down I-70, clips a van of girl scouts heading to a campout and they all die in a firey fury of twisted metal, charred sashes and themed sweaters. Being the genius I am, I come along, slap a coat of paint on this motherfucker, grab some mailbox lettering from Home Depot, snag a flag from the aforementioned VFW, super glue some of mom's knick-knacks to this cross and Bam, Mrs. Curless has got a kick-ass memorial and no one's the wiser.

Hey, whoever this cross was initially for obviously isn't using it any more. On with the newly dead I say.

Yes, please do what you are thinking about doing. The address is jason@porkjerky.com. I can't have a 'Hate Mail From Dumbfucks' page without help from people like you.
There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.