Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

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R.I.P.->Remembering Michael Eugene Isaiah jones With Shit

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Michael Eugene Isaiah jones

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Sorry, but two boards nailed together with a dead person's name on it and stuck in the ground is a crappy, personalized cross; one board with a dead person's name on it and stuck in the ground is a crappy personalized tomato stake. I know, it's a fine line to draw and it may make some people unhappy, but its a distinction I have to make. Then again, I must also praise this memorial because nothing visibly and olfactorily conveys love and sorrow like cheap, mildewing stuffed animals interspersed with decaying framed pictures and wet, rotting paper.

I think this type of tribute is a great idea. Sure, at first glance it looks like a mound of week-old, bloody horse diarrhea, but the idea they have is on the right track. I don't think these people were trying to set up a memorial to Michael Eugene Isaiah Jones as much as they were trying clean out his room and dispose of all his shit. On with the living.

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I am one misspelling filled hate mail away from repenting, apologizing and giving my life over to christ. Send yours to jason@porkjerky.com. I am sure it will be the one.