Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

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A lot of people wish death by car accident upon me because of this site. Well let me tell you witty, insensitive, unoriginal pricks something, the jokes on you. I'm prepared. I've stolen like 5 "Jason" crosses from my pics, along with a ton of plastic flowers, I've picked a peck of pinwheels and have a pile of american flags so huge it would make George Washington puke on Abraham Lincoln's tits.

So bring on the motherfucking karma, I'm ready. Mine is going to be the biggest tastelessest, plasticky memorial ever. I'm getting into heaven or reincarnated as a cow for sure.

Oh, and Irony; you can suck my dick. And I have an asshole for you to lick Poetic Justice.

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I'm not above apologizing for any errors I have made. However, I'm also not above wishing AIDS and gang rape on you and your family if you incorrectly assert I've made errors. Email me at jason@porkjerky.com to point out any errors I have made. Just be certain I've made errors.