There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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R.I.P.->Immortalizing Randy Smart With Garbage

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Memorial For Randy Smart

Its weatherbeaten and barely legible, but here's what I got from that cross: Randy Smart; Born February 24th, 1962; Died June 27th, 2005; Located at I-70 mile marker 91.0 in Missouri.

Right after taking this pic, my dick's already salivating at the ingeniuos, revolutionary puns I am going to make contrasting his last name and his driving abilities. I start planning to write my first two page roadside cross memorial page because of all the data I am going to find for him because I have so much information to work with.

But no, nothing. Not one god damn thing. I searched until my balls hurt and got nothing. 'Randy Smart', 'Randal Smart', 'Randolph Smart'. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I searched every shitty newspaper site within 200 miles of his accident (both of them) and found jack cunt. I tried every permutation of pieces of data I had: '6/27/2005 and missouri and smart", "I-70 mile marker 91.0 crash", "smart accident i-70 in missouri'. Zilch.

When will people learn? Get this through your thick, cracked, brain-oozing skulls--You do me, nor anyone else any good when you put up a cross for someone who died in the middle of fucking no where Missouri. Selfish pricks. Now, this is not a threat, but seriously, the next one of you fucks that decides to crash, for the love of god you better do it near a metropolitan area that has a news organization covering local events.

So help me god.

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Please, only send constructive criticism to jason@porkjerky.com. Writing 'Go fuck yourself sideways', is only helpful if you provide specific, self-sideways fucking details.
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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.