Confessions Of An Asswiper

I have a horrible, horrible confession to make. For the first 2 to 3 years of my life, I didn’t use toilet paper. At all. I was totally aloof. No clue. Didn’t even cross my mind. In fact, I didn’t do much at all when it came to shitting, except the shitting part. When I […]

My Carbon Butt Print

If my calculations are correct, and they are, in the last 30 years I’ve shit 3.2 tons and 1.8 miles of poo in my life. Not too bad for a white guy. In honor of Earth day (yeah, I have no fucking clue when it actually is, nor do I care. Feel free to send […]

Bitch, I will rape your face off.