porkjerky plogAll Pooped Out
I have an absolutely irrational fear. Far more frightful than my fear of popular success. Luckily this ultimate fear of mine has a zero chance of happening. It still keeps me up at night though. I am totally terrified, even speaking about it makes me cringe, that somehow, someway something I say or do will […]
A Boy, His Anus And A Dream
Finally, after months of perfecting my technique I did it. My hours of practice, dedication and my innate abilities have finally paid the dividends I knew they would. Success is mine. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there about hard work, setting goals and following through. You can’t just sit around […]
Eureka
So, it turns out I’m still a fucking genius. How many of the world’s great ideas do you think were conceived on the toilet? My guess is that the crapper is the leading place and shitting the leading activity for inspiring brilliance. Uh oh, now my brilliance is inspiring me to be brilliant about inspiring […]
89th Post Spectacular
Not just hell yeah, hell fuck yeah. Today is my 89th blog post spectacular. I’m letting it all hang out, having a celebratory crap and patting my self on the back. A lot of you fucks thought I was full of shit just figuratively, pooh-poohing on my dream of cataloging all my crap in 2009. […]
Shitty Cliched Blog Post
A very insightful, witty, huged-cocked, intelligent, gratuitously and unironically modest person (I mentioned huged-cocked and gorgeous, right) raised a very uninsightful question about blogs on mine the other day: How many fucking blog posts exists devoted solely to peoples’ troubles with blogging? Its like; no fuck you, there’s no simile needed. If you can’t see […]
Of Thee I Poop
Wow, that’s some sweet ass shit. I am now an ‘S’ and an ‘N’ away from crapping my first name. And only and ‘E’ and 2 more ‘S’s from my last name. Let that be a lesson to all you kids out there. When you put your mind to it, hunker down, work a little, […]
The Fine Line Between Toilet and GMAC Bowls
Speaking of Bowl Games (which I did yesterday, btw, (I write ‘btw’ because now that I am a blogger I need to take all the shortcuts I can to save my precious time. Also, it allows me to impress upon my readership (you), that my vocabulary is so robust and big and shit that I […]
Holy Crap
Finally a shit to be proud of. Now that’s how a real American man craps. Look at that virile turd. With shit like that obviously my dick is huge. Jesus Christ Almighty, its so enormous its starting to wrap around the god damn toilet. Yet again, I have impressed myself—and that’s no easy task. I […]
