porkjerky plogShit I Crap On
Get Off Your Ass, Science
Horrible horrible news everyone. When science pulls bullshit like this, its no wonder people turn to the bible for knowledge. It’s 2009, we have mapped every strain of a human’s DNA, they can clone any fucking animal you want and Maury can swab the cheeks of 15 guys who gangbanged a tramp and determine which […]
Pedophile ISO FBI Agent 4 LTR
I swear to christ sortamighty, if I read about another heroic FBI agent posing as a teenager seducing dirty old men into traveling across the country for sex, I am going to go on a sodomizing rampage of my own. Its disgusting through and through. Every aspect about it, especially the meta-aspect, is just horrible. […]
Ode To Mr. Walton
I once thought I had to only fart That was a big mistake on my part Oh that isn’t gas Spurting from my ass Clean up on Aisle 4 of Wal-mart
Romantic Verse Gone Wrong
A girl once had her mouth on my junk Something starts to shoot, but it ain’t spunk Before I could say, ‘Get out of the way!’ She got facialed, the bad kind of gunk
Pooping To The Choir
How fucking stupid does it take to be illiterate? It’s like never learning how to shit. Blind people can read for fuck’s sake. Illiteracy is a lot like getting hit by a train—you actually have to go out of your way to do so. Oh everyone pretends it’s a tragedy and is sympathetic to illiterates/train […]
World War #2
Happy Iwo Jima Flag Raising Day everyone. On this date 64 years ago America began another beautiful chapter to its life. Beautiful, as in shitty and disgustingly funny, like Ruby Ridge, or when a retard tries to do a somersault in gym class, goes over wrong, cracks his head on the floor and craps himself. […]
Going To Kansas Shitty (Christ O’Fuck, That’s Witty)
God bless a shitty economy. As I was wandering the mean streets of Kansas City today, I was passed by 2 sewer workers. They turned on the flashing lights atop their truck, got out, unlocked the cover of the truck’s bed, pulled out 2 crowbars and a shiny black manhole cover. Then they went over […]
Ivory Soap Is Worse Than Shit
My shitter at home is sweet, with a capital everything. If I leave the door open when I crap (and really, if you have nothing to hide, love america and aren’t a terrorist, then you should) I can see the TV. Fuck reading, I can crap to Judge Judy. Today’s turd though, meant business. No […]
Grandpa, You’re Full Of Shit
I realized something today as I was sitting on the shitter, playing GameBoy and watching cable on my flat screen T.V.—the world’s come a long way. Kids today don’t know how good they have it. You see, I come from a different generation than today’s youths. We had it tougher than the teenyboppers now. Things […]
The Turd That Got Away
Oh man that pisses me off. Here I am working my duodenum off trying to expel this monstrous turd from my ass in one piece and it goes and does that. We’ve all been there right? Slowly pushing, keeping your asshole loose and limber. Slowly pushing, slowly pushing, letting the turd gently glide out. Don’t […]
