porkjerky plogShit I Crap On
It Was A Gift
As I laid in bed with a finger in my ass jerking off to Roni Deutch commericials that are infrequently seperated by actual day time T.V. shows, I saw someone I knew. Kind of. Today, the second case on Judge Judy was the mother of one of the roadside crosses I found suing her ex-best […]
Breaking News: The News Suck Ass
A-fucking-mazing. I watch the local newscasts by flipping among the 4 local T.V. stations from 10:05 until 10:12. The first 5 minutes is weather, what’s coming up in the weather later in the newscast and shots of reporters live on location in front of places that had something happen there 10 hours ago giving you […]
Hi, I’m A Douchebag
I get queasy at the sight of blood, so please somebody please slit my wrists for me. I got an email today from some pretentious fuck. How did I know they were a pretentious fuck? They told me. Not in so many words, but in so many letters. Their email signature said something like ‘Tinydick […]
Coach’s Corner
Team Porkjerky.com Shitters Dear lord, we ask that you watch over everyone shitting today. Please save us all from anal fissures, rectal tears, prolapsed ani and any other injury that the devil will try to throw at us. For your glory we crap. Amen. Now lets get out there and put on a shitting clinic. […]
The World’s Most Beautiful Turd
I love people who complain about how things that have made life easier and better screwed up and worked just like they were suppose to. They get mad because a piece of technology that is programmed to respond in the exact same way every time, responded in the exact same way it does every time. […]
Pussy-dos
Remember the good ole days when chicks had hair on their cunts? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to seem like some deranged social deviant who doesn’t love the look of a 10 year old’s pussy. I’m not a weirdo ok–I can’t get enough of the pre-pubscent, status quo snatch. Every chick in the […]
Dasani: French For ‘Full Of Shit’
Remember back before we being environmentally friendly was the only thing we cared about? Life wasn’t perfect then and I am sure there was some other fad that everyone in the fucking world was getting their panties in a bunch for, but fuck if I can remember it. Anyway, since it’s no longer kosher to […]
This Day In Shitory
Happy Cut And Run Day everyone. Remember to put a foreign-made, American flag, magnetic ribbon on your car and to spit on a 60-year old vet for being conscripted.
Ass Placebo
How many lives do you think those paper toilet seat protectors have saved? You know the kind people meticulously layout over a public toilet seat before they squat there prissy little ass down to take a shit? I’m guessing it has to be at least 3 billion. And that’s just this millennium. Its a medical […]
Encylocpedic Shit
What kind of hubris does it take to be the guy who writes the Wikipedia article on ‘shit’? Or god forbid someone who came along later, read it, found errors or omissions that were so glaring in it that it inspired them to edit it? Or worse still, the unwitty fuck who thought they could […]
