porkjerky plogRandom Pablum
New Or Improved
I think part of the reason that human communication has turned into an unrehearsed play with lines we all need to speak and listen to without actually paying attention to, is bullshit marketing. We are drowned in ads that we can’t afford to pay attention to. If we did we would spend our entire lives […]
Deadly Shit
On this very night, 22 years ago, on this same stretch of porcelain, in the dense fog, just like this. It was the worse crap ever shit. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building. And when they finally pulled the crapper’s body from the twisted, burning toilet it […]
A Turd By Any Other Name
‘African-American’ is the new ‘colored’. We (which as usual means white people) all have that 80 year old person in our lives (I’m not naming any great aunts by name, but you know who you are) who, to be polite and respectful when referencing black people uses the term they were taught was the least […]
Little Dicks, Big Business
Call me selfish. Definitely a skeptic. Even content with myself, but it seems to me that a little dick would still work fine from this end. A big dick is nice and all, but I’m not going out of my to get one when the tiny pecker I have serves its purpose to me perfectly. […]
Random Acts Of Fuck You
Here’s a tip from me to you, if you don’t want to have to explain to your mini-van full of kids what a ‘stupid fucking piece of shit dumb cunt fat whore’ is, don’t yield your right of way to me. This fucking happens to me at least twice a week. I will be waiting […]
Who Moved My Porn?
Here’s a weird one. I was searching for porn on the internet and accidentally stumbled upon an interesting news story. I don’t think that has ever happened in the history of man. I remember searching for ‘manila folders’ one time and getting taken to a site with platinum blonde asians shove their own tits in […]
You Can’t Buy Dignity, But You Can Sell It
Although I’m not speaking through a trach tube and using phrases like ‘pert near’, I know I am sounding like my grandfather when I say: Things sure were better back in the good ole days. Remember when a loaf of bread cost one third a pile of dirt? Slide rules were 40 cents a dozen? […]
Rhyming Household Tip
If a cat keeps filling your yard with poo, Here’s a trick Martha Stewart won’t teach you; He can keep on licking, But closed tight, its sticking Cats’ assholes are no match for super glue
The Ole Turd Defense
I wonder if there has ever been a murder investigation that required the cops to do some CSI analysis on a turd to see how long it had been sitting around in a shitter decomposing. I turded around 5 today, had to run some errands and forgot about this little bastard sitting in my crapper […]
My Friend
I, umm had this friend, yeah that’s it, I-He’d been drinking quite a bit. A long, gross story short Take my-his word for it, When he-I say ‘This tastes like shit’.
