porkjerky plogMetafeces
Shitless Rats, With Cute Tails
I just thought of another exotic animal like the Inebriated North American Vagrant that possible may not shit—the squirrel. Medical Fact: Those bastards are everywhere. Medical Fact: No one has ever seen a squirrel crap. Medical Fact: No one has ever encountered or stepped in a pile of squirrel shit. So maybe homeless and squirrels […]
Homeless=Poopless?
Do they crap in their Tallboy bags when they are done? Do they hold it until they either get arrested or stumble back to the shelter? Do they eat it for sustenance? Amazingly homeless have little shame. I have seen tons of them piss: In business doorways, alleys, themselves, standing underneath their bridges, behind bushes, […]
Life’s Most Important Question
Happy birthday to me; not you Gilbert. To me. So, what did you get me? I got you something—and its kick ass awesome. On this soon to be national holiday, I have decided to give the ultimate gift to the world. No, not my life on a cross so the gates of heaven will open […]
Another Crappy Limerick
There once was a turd in my bottom He wanted to stay, but I fought him After hours of strain The beast finally slain Now to stop bleeding from my rectum
The Turd That Got Away
Oh man that pisses me off. Here I am working my duodenum off trying to expel this monstrous turd from my ass in one piece and it goes and does that. We’ve all been there right? Slowly pushing, keeping your asshole loose and limber. Slowly pushing, slowly pushing, letting the turd gently glide out. Don’t […]
Archimedes Is The Shit
At first glance you might look at today’s crap and think its just two small dooks. But oh how wrong you would be. This crap is something to blow even Mr. Wizard’s mind. The one at the top left is pretty tiny, the one in the center however, is actually resting on the bottom of […]
Ode To My Poo
I once put a P’zone in my gut, Never made it out of Pizza Hut, Ass barely on the pot, When out molten shit shot, All that from one small hole in my butt?
You Ain’t Shit
Here’s a corollary and the bright side to Friday’s post: No matter how famous you’ve become, nor how much your car cost, nor how attractive you pretend to be, nor how huge your house, plasma T.V., tits or cock are, nor how important you’ve mislead yourself to think you are, nor how educated, intelligent nor […]
Higher Level Species My Ass
Really? I mean come on. Its 2009. This is how we have to live? In the immortal words of the patron saint of bullshit, John Stossel: Give me a break. There is no fucking reason for this. I mean, they can put a man on the moon and a vagina on a man (Of course […]
Que Caca, Caca
First and foremost, after 12 days of figuratively and literally adding worthless shit to the web, I added something good to it today. On the non-shitty (non-blog) portion of my site, I added the Porkjerky.com Guaranteed Pickup Line Generator for you to incorporate into your shitty slice of the web. I hope that makes up […]
