porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
The Nomenclature Of Lovemaking
Kids today. They just throw out terms to be cool. Misusing them however they feel. For ‘shock value’ if you will. They have no regard for the historical context and underlying tomes of how and why certain phrases were introduced into the lexicon. Certain phrases were first coined so that specific feelings, ideas and actions […]
The Turkey Baster Tribulations
Oh my god I was so blind. They aren’t completely vapid. Blogs aren’t as worthless as tits on a retard. They are as fun as tits on a retard. It’s all about perspective. I couldn’t see the pussy for the vulva. Today though, I was able to take a step back and finally realize the […]
Not Retarded Enough
Can retards recognize one another? And do they size one another up to see whose retardeder? Now, I’ve unfortunately meet a few retards. And I am talking grade A, USDA certified, literal retard not the everyday cut me off in traffic, blue tooth ear piece wearing, clove cigarette smoking figurative retards that permeate life. I […]
The Blogs To End All Blogs
Suppose you are starting to see my point of view and are coming around to the idea that blogs are only for neurotic shut-in retards with a misplaced sense of self-worth. But you’re still not 100% convinced and would like some more information on the subject. Well guess what—there’s a blog posting that’s been written […]
Blogging Obliviously
The Stay Puff Marshmallow Theory of Shitty Blogs is alive and well. Any stupid idea you can think of for a blog—it already exists. Don’t believe me? Check out these retarded blogs. Amish America Blog Blind Access Blog Homless Blog Illiteracy Blog Mensa Blog Hey MENSA, if you if your so smart why do you […]
Blogs Suck Ass For $800, Alex
Don’t try to out circlejerk blogs. You’ll just stand there with a sore, flaccid penis, throbbing balls, a pool of cum on your shoes and disappointment in your eyes as blogs continue to easily shoot out load after load of inanity. Blogs can make a noose out of vapidness, loop it through the rafters of […]
Bitch Better Have My Money
Was watching my neice who’s still a crawler She found some coins and gave one a swaller Hoping for diarrhea To free Sacagawea If not, that bitch still owes me a dollar.
My Honorary MBA
My honorary MBA campaign was a huge fucking success. Oh wait, let me rephrase that. As us with MBA’s say—my ambitious pursuance of an exalted academic objective flourished beyond my initial eminent aspirations. Hell fuck yeah. First and penultimately, I got the 3rd ranked MBA school in the 2009 Us News and World Reports Business […]
Butt Junkie
If I ever start to do drugs I’m jumping past all those pussy highs and going straight to heroin. It has to be awesome. Its transported via ass. I mean, if people go through that much trouble and ick to get some, that’s got to be good shit. Right? Any drug a person would meticulously […]
Think Of, And Stalk, The Children
One one hand, as a fan of all things legal and immoral, I totally love The Celebrity Baby Blog. On the other hand….no, wait. There’s no other hand, The Celebrity Baby Blog is awesome through and through. It quite literally is based on the idea that you can exploit children for a dollar. And not […]
