porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Shitty Shill Blog
Beat The Slots Blog, is one turd of a website. So craptastic its today’s Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award winning blog. First and leastmost, as is customary with most winners, it has Google ads on it. Of course they may be hard to find, you know, hidden in all the other fucking ads on the god […]
No Harm In Asking
Whenever I hear someone say ‘Well, there was no harm in asking.’, I immediately kick them in the balls, poke them in the eyes, steal their wallet, shit on them, decapitate their pets and sodomize to death everyone who claims to be their friend or family. Usually, as they are writhing in pain, begging me […]
Tis The Season
Guess who made it that much easier for you to kill yourself? That’s right, I did. Forever you’ve been tying and retying the same piece of rope into a noose so it looks just perfect, scouting out the sturdiest place in your house to use it, going through all your chairs to find the one […]
Cat’s In The Cradle
Frank Caliendo is to Rich Little what the Second Gulf War is to Vietnam. And on behalf of my generation, I would like to apologize for that. In the mid 90’s I had a class where the teacher was talking about the Vietnam War and how he knew a bunch, a bunch of people who […]
Mirror, Mirror, Who’s The Shittiest Of Them All?
While releasing my poopbucks into the wild of Las Vegas, I took some time to smell its roses and unfortunately, saw all the turds they grew in. Vegas is and brings out the worst in people, all without them recognizing it. That’s a compliment by the way. I was watching the fountains at the Bellagio […]
Like Nails Scratching On My Cornea
Ok, I dug deeper. You’re welcome. After my initial dismay at finding so many results for my youtube search of the word ‘blog’, I started on my prolonged dismay of searching through a ton of those videos to find a shitty blog on there to give an Intermittently Given Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award to. Oh […]
Video Blogs: The Future Of Boring
Lord, o’fuck, cunt almighty. Me and my great ideas. There I was, laughing my head off, enjoying my favorite pastime of watching serious injuries videos on youtube, when genius hit. Or more accurately–now that I know the results–when ungenius hit. I interrupted my motorcycle tricks gone bad video and immediately decided to type those 4 […]
I Don’t Need No Fancy Book Science
How many autistic people do you personally know? Excluding Jenny McCarthy’s son (which I am excluding not because I don’t personally know him, but because he’s cured – take that gluten), mine is 0. I’m guessing yours is within 1 of that. I’m not entirely convinced any exist. I think its just a euphemism doctors […]
Pompously Misinformed
As with wine, my pallet is not refined enough to distinguish among the many flavors of retard: Aspberger ‘s, mental retardation, PDD_NOS, autism, fucking retarded, down syndrome, Fragile X syndrome and just plain stupid. All of those, my pedestrian, uncouth brain processes as ‘retarded’. I blame the public school system and my parents for my […]
The 500 Mile Per Hour Crap
I hate planes, but don’t have a fear to fly It’s the constant stream of fucks who pass by Couldn’t crap at the hub Now They’re joining the club Everyone wants to shit a mile high.
