porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Here’s What Else You Get – Shit
Good news, you can own your own Porkjerky.com Erratically Awarded Shitty Blog Award winning site. Today’s prize-getter is for sale. That’s actually how I found it. As I was sitting at the computer splattered in my own semen and fingers smelling of poo, inspiration struck. I wondered if any fuck was retarded enough to sell […]
Rhyming Household Tip
If a cat keeps filling your yard with poo, Here’s a trick Martha Stewart won’t teach you; He can keep on licking, But closed tight, its sticking Cats’ assholes are no match for super glue
Happy Juneteenth
Happy Juneteenth everyone. What a fucking retarded, stupid, dumbass, shit-sucking, idiotic, truly American holiday. This is right up there with the plaque in Topeka that celebrates Brown vs. Board Of Education, the 1965 Voting Rights Act, Dr. Martin Luther King Boulevard in Memphis and every time someone congratulates a fat dumbfuck for dropping a little […]
This Is Not A Test
Jeez O’Christ. This will probably be the last post ever. Not for me, but for blogkind. The New World Order is taking over and I for one will be spending the Tribulation in my refashioned Y2K bunker (formerly my Rodney King Race War fortress, formerly my 12/3/90 earthquake module, formerly my father’s Cola Wars sanctuary, […]
It Was A Gift
As I laid in bed with a finger in my ass jerking off to Roni Deutch commericials that are infrequently seperated by actual day time T.V. shows, I saw someone I knew. Kind of. Today, the second case on Judge Judy was the mother of one of the roadside crosses I found suing her ex-best […]
The Ole Turd Defense
I wonder if there has ever been a murder investigation that required the cops to do some CSI analysis on a turd to see how long it had been sitting around in a shitter decomposing. I turded around 5 today, had to run some errands and forgot about this little bastard sitting in my crapper […]
Father Knows Best
My father, who’s full of great advice and wit; Said we’re gonna talk about love and to sit. Call me old fashioned, Maybe unpassioned; Son, true love doesn’t make you eat a girls shit.
Prima Facie Shitty Blog
Twitter has a blog. Thats like finding out the skanky girl in high school who you hated because she was such a bitch turned out to be an anal porn star who flaunts and lords her misachieved popularity over people who are disgusted by it. Technically its not changed anything, you just feel a little […]
Breaking News: The News Suck Ass
A-fucking-mazing. I watch the local newscasts by flipping among the 4 local T.V. stations from 10:05 until 10:12. The first 5 minutes is weather, what’s coming up in the weather later in the newscast and shots of reporters live on location in front of places that had something happen there 10 hours ago giving you […]
The Turd Is Always Greener On The Other Side
When you’re feeling all alone in the world, standing up for what’s right against a foe incalculably stronger than you, putting the good of your fellow man above your own personal well-being, trying to affect a positive change in the world for generations to come, literally risking your life today for a better tomorrow for […]
