porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Fuck Mud Pies
Who wants a peanut-filled, chocolate funnel cake?
Many Super Happy Respects Upon Your Blog
Is there anyone sadder, more pitiful than motivational speakers? I use both of those adjectives in their literal senses with no mocking intention at all. That will come later. Sad as in the, ‘I am going to cry because I am unhappy’ way. Do truly happy people devote that much of their lives trying to […]
Fun With Shitty Logic
My panties get absolutely soaking wet whenever I hear someone comdem fags by saying ‘You’re not born gay’. That is the absolute best. I was on the crapper and accidentally flipped past one of the 24-hour news channels and saw some religious nutbag spouting off about queers in Iowa again and how them getting married […]
Who Moved My Porn?
Here’s a weird one. I was searching for porn on the internet and accidentally stumbled upon an interesting news story. I don’t think that has ever happened in the history of man. I remember searching for ‘manila folders’ one time and getting taken to a site with platinum blonde asians shove their own tits in […]
Only You Can Prevent Fecal Incontinence
I know it can get discolored and AMA recommends you bleach it so you can retain that healthly vibrant asshole you had when you were 18, but what about its elactisicty? I mean we all heard, or started, that story in high school about the girl last prom who got fucked with the base of […]
I Wish I Couldn’t Tell Idiots Like You To Suck My Balls
Oh its just killing you isn’t it. You know what you think the answer is and want to write me to set me straight. Well I know what you are going to say and you’re a fucking idiot too. I told you yesterday and I will say it again today: There’s no reason for my […]
My External Genitalia Can Kiss My Ass
I really need to bring a book into the bathroom. Or remember to grab the remote. Or maybe bring a sandwich in there with me. Everytime I shit and get bored, like any normal person would, I start gazing admiringly at my amazing cock. Then I just end up getting pissed. First circumcision, now this. […]
You Can’t Buy Dignity, But You Can Sell It
Although I’m not speaking through a trach tube and using phrases like ‘pert near’, I know I am sounding like my grandfather when I say: Things sure were better back in the good ole days. Remember when a loaf of bread cost one third a pile of dirt? Slide rules were 40 cents a dozen? […]
Is It Poop Yet? Is It Poop Yet? Is It Poop Yet?
Ok, life begins at conception. I am with you on that. Doesn’t mean I’m not for killing babies. Just saying I agree with you about when life initiates. Sperm enters egg. That’s black, and white, its definitive, its objective. Life is an easy one. Here’s a philosophical brain buster for you Mr. Theologian, when does […]
Squatting, The Morally Shitty Kind
In domain squatting, like anything in the real world, you can’t take on big business. If they were still available and you somehow beat Coke to coke.com, ford to ford.com or The National Arbor Day Foundation Assholes to arborday.org, you wouldn’t make a cent. You’d probably lose money on the deal. But you can squat […]
