porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
The Null Blog
Oh Sweet Lord Almighty Fuck. I did it, I finally found a blog better than the one post wonders who have had the glorious distinction of winning a Porkjerky.com Intermittently Bestowed Shitty Blog Award. What could be more shittier than a blog that someone took the time to set up, make only one post and […]
Humanity’s Greatest Accomplishment
Ok class, we’ve done it for my lifetime and we’ve done it for humanity on a worldwide level for one day. Now we are doing it for the entire population ever. We are answering the ultimate question raised by crapometry: How much shit have humans produced in our existence? I mean, it’s got to be […]
Little Dicks, Big Business
Call me selfish. Definitely a skeptic. Even content with myself, but it seems to me that a little dick would still work fine from this end. A big dick is nice and all, but I’m not going out of my to get one when the tiny pecker I have serves its purpose to me perfectly. […]
CNN, The Reverse SETI
CNN is a smoke alarm with dying batteries. Except less useful, more annoying and neither saves your life nor adds anything meaningful to it. Remember the last time the batteries in your remote went out? You did what any normal person would do, you lived with it for the first couple of days by making […]
Random Acts Of Fuck You
Here’s a tip from me to you, if you don’t want to have to explain to your mini-van full of kids what a ‘stupid fucking piece of shit dumb cunt fat whore’ is, don’t yield your right of way to me. This fucking happens to me at least twice a week. I will be waiting […]
Masters Of Shitty Blog Administration
You got assholes in with my douchebags. No, you got douchebags in with my assholes. Its bad and then worse, all at the same time. Like puking all over yourself. Like nails on a chalkboard while you are chewing on tinfoil. Like the doctor accidentally crushing your nuts during your rectal exam. Like dating a […]
The Case Of The Phantom Poo
Here’s a mystery for you Nancy Drew. Where’s my shit? I swear to your favorite deity that I spent a good 90 seconds slowly coaxing a turd from my ass. I swear. Got the soiled toilet paper to prove it. I shit. I honestly shit. Right? Please tell me I didn’t hallucinate a crap. I […]
Bumpercrop of Failure
Where’s Willie Nelson when you need him? Throw me a concert, sing me a song, pay your taxes so I can get FEMA to declare my toilet bowl farmland a disaster area and get one of those sweet New Orleans type nonpaybackable loans. What I am trying to say is that my dream of growing […]
The Immaculate Defecation
What would you do if you pooped a turd divine? A religious looking crap, Is that a sign? To me it would be scary To shit the Virgin Mary Of course, in a heartbeat, I’d sell it online.
Toilet Garden, Day 3
8:03 a.m. Good morning world. What’s that? Oh yes, the sweet smell of genius and success coming from my bathroom. My Shitty Garden is in bloom. Good morning little seeds. Take your time, I’m in no hurry. Sprout when you feel like it. 10:47 a.m. Initial exuberance from being such […]
