porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Douchebag Insurance
One of my absolute fears in life is not burning enough bridges. Being polite, holding back and not telling people to suck my dick. Figuratively that is, when I tell people to suck my dick it’s a lot more eloquent, personalized, insightful and mean than those 3 words. I cringe everytime I miss an opportunity […]
Extra Sensory Poo
I don’t believe in the occult: Ghosts, destiny, the holocaust, Ouija boards, human equality, telekinesis, dyslexia, horoscopes, democracy, poltergeists, chiropractors or any of that other mystical bullshit. But, I think my crap is trying to tell me something. I pooped an arrow. Not to get all high and mighty, Ace of Base on you; but […]
A Turd By Any Other Name
‘African-American’ is the new ‘colored’. We (which as usual means white people) all have that 80 year old person in our lives (I’m not naming any great aunts by name, but you know who you are) who, to be polite and respectful when referencing black people uses the term they were taught was the least […]
MBA Here I Come
My motivation in life to do something is a function of how retarded people will think I am for doing it, how easy it is and the satisfaction I would get from the range of outcomes it produces. The more stupid an idea, the less I have to work to achieve it and the more […]
Mobius Shit
I think I crapped an M.C. Escher. What a paradoxical poop. There’s no end and no beginning. How did that shit come out my butt and end up like that? There’s no rational explanation. Its like 2 hands drawing another. Except with poop instead of hands. Or the physically impossible waterfall. Except with turds instead […]
Blogging Out And Of My Ass
As soon as I save up 3 months salary from sucking trucker dick behind the Waffle House, I am going to buy a ring and ask Google Blog Search to marry me. That’s legal in Iowa right? It’s paradoxical: Blogs are this sea of turds, just a shitty pool of totally worthless human waste yet […]
Pop Shit
Cash me in, color me up, give me my 15 minutes so I can sell them for smokes. Compared to the fucks I found yesterday, I have been doing an absolutely horrible, quarter-assed job of selling this plog out. I feel like a hooker with a heart of gold on her period—I know there’s […]
Altruism For Sale, Dirt Cheap
The one thing that never fails to bring a smile to my face when it comes to blogs is how quickly they get sold out. No matter how altruistic the topic or noble the intentions are when they get started, everyone tries to make a dollar from the shit they puke onto the internet. Somewhere, […]
Pork Barrel Blogs
Here’s a scary question I’m afraid to know the answer to: How many blog do my tax dollars fund? I’m cool with all the 3rd World abortions, nuclear bombs, bridges to nowhere, bank bailouts, public schools and murder of foreign brown people my taxes underwrite, but blogging? May Thomas Jefferson’s undead corpse have mercy on […]
Pompous Fucks
Its about time. All my life I have been waiting for this and finally it has been delivered to me. I can now die in peace. 35 and a half years I have been on this earth and not until now could I watch some fat dude in Spokane plow his ugly wife. Amen. Humanity […]
