porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Best Almost Limerick Ever
I once wrote this great limerick not about shit, Self referencing, self alluding and full of wit; Something something something Blah blah blah; But then it fell apart in the middle and I noticed that the first two lines were neither the same nor the correct amount of syllables and the […]
Blog Fraud
Just because you’re a blog doesn’t mean you can get away with such outright misleading of people. What a fucking rip off. I have a good mind to contact the FCC about this blatant fraud. At first I thought I had finally found a community of like minded individuals. A place where I get stay […]
Karmic Poo
Where’s Bruce Willis when you need him? Is my dead grandmother directing me somewhere? Is Carol Ann warning me of something? Does Patrick Swayze want me to get in contact with Whoopi Goldberg? Or is it just some some bored poltergeist fucking with me? We may never know. About a week and a half ago […]
Actually, My Shit Don’t Stink
Lee Greenwood, you need to get off your ass and add like 7 new verses to your song. This country just keeps getting better and better. From: jason@porkjerky.com I came across a page where you explained and sold Elimina. I was wondering if this is safe for human consumption and would it work on humans? […]
My Carbon Butt Print
If my calculations are correct, and they are, in the last 30 years I’ve shit 3.2 tons and 1.8 miles of poo in my life. Not too bad for a white guy. In honor of Earth day (yeah, I have no fucking clue when it actually is, nor do I care. Feel free to send […]
Free Shit For Sale
Remember 15 years ago when we all sat around making fun of those dumbfuck companies who were selling bottled water? God damn, we were so smart and prophetic. Who in their right mind is going to pay money for something you can get free? What a retarded business. Bottled water. Those dumbfucks will be broke […]
New Or Improved
I think part of the reason that human communication has turned into an unrehearsed play with lines we all need to speak and listen to without actually paying attention to, is bullshit marketing. We are drowned in ads that we can’t afford to pay attention to. If we did we would spend our entire lives […]
As Creative As A Something Or Other
I was once on a job interview where the Human Resources Whore told me that in their organization creativity is a key to success and even in her position of being a Human Resources Whore, she often had to think outside the box to effectively do her job. She then asked me if I would […]
Deadly Shit
On this very night, 22 years ago, on this same stretch of porcelain, in the dense fog, just like this. It was the worse crap ever shit. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building. And when they finally pulled the crapper’s body from the twisted, burning toilet it […]
Psychic Rotisserie Chicken
This shouldn’t come as a surprise to them. The Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award Number Something Or Other goes to the Free Psychic Sight Blog. What a shitty fucking blog. First and foremost its not really a blog, but a fucking spam garden. As in the site exists solely to sell something—psychic readings. Every post has […]
