porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Band Of Idiots
They are everywhere. You won’t find them discussed in history books, though. Or protesting a professional sports team whose mascot demeans them. And anthropologists haven’t found any of their ancient abodes to dig through to study. Nor are they are entitled to open a casino on their native lands because they aren’t listed as one […]
Writing This Post About Writing This Post
Guess what dickshafts, I am trumping your boring pathetic blog posts about your boring pathetic lives. All you fucks who have ever blogged about essentially nothing, I am going to show you how it’s done. Right now I am writing this blog post. How fucking riveting is that? A blog post about writing this blog […]
If A Tree Fell In The Woods, How Many People Would Blog About It?
Is there nothing too mundane or trite to blog about? “I am going to the store”726,990 blog posts “I just got off work”219,771 blog posts “brushing my teeth”722,396 blog posts “cunt turd ass booger”1 blog post “going to bed”30,888,602 blog posts “my new hair cut”172,353 blog posts You really believe the world needs a boring […]
No Son Of Mine
I’m like most people, I’m not a huge bible thumper—unless and until it suits me. So that’s why I’d like to take the moral high ground, cast some aspersions and say that some things are just wrong. Jesus didn’t die on a cross and hide all those eggs for nothing. He wanted to give us […]
Shit Eating Morals
Do PETA fucks just learn to live with the clap? Penicillin itself is derived from fungi, which makes it ok for them to ingest. But syphilis is alive. A virus is a living thing too, they can’t in good conscience kill syphilis can they? Even if its killing them, right? Like fur, meat and leather, […]
As Useful As Tits On A Corpse
What a great month for breast implant companies. You can’t buy this kind of marketing. But daddy, they will not only help me feel better about myself but if in case I get a quickie Vegas marriage to some violent Cannuck who bashes my head in, stabs me 75 times, rips my jaw bones out, […]
Existentialism At Its Finest
You ever look up into the night sky, with those thousands of stars, light that has traveled across galaxies spanning trillions of miles taking years to reach your puny pupil, and spend a moment trying to contemplate and comprehend how huge the universe is, how small you are in comparison and wonder if at that […]
Logical Destiny
It’s amazing the decisions people don’t know they make. Namely the decision they make to not explicitly make decisions. I think most people live their life in the Forrest Gump method—just floating through like a leaf in the wind. Wherever life takes them is where they go. No need to try and direct it, maybe […]
I Got Your Voir Dire Right Here
Oh thank you Al Gore. Ambulance chasing has entered the 21st century. Not with a whimper but with a blog. You can’t fart without hearing an ad for a parasitic attorney. They’re everywhere: telephone book covers, bus benches, every other ad during daytime T.V., all over the not-so-local alternative newsweekly that’s owned by a billion […]
Ad Bukkake
I am pretty sure humans can communicate via telepathy. Based on all the great things to come out of their extensive experimentation and dissection of Jews, the Germans had to have a good theoretical understanding and some limited implementations of it in the 1940’s. Then Bell Labs must have come along and perfected it in […]
