porkjerky plogHi, I’m A Douchebag
I get queasy at the sight of blood, so please somebody please slit my wrists for me. I got an email today from some pretentious fuck. How did I know they were a pretentious fuck? They told me.
Not in so many words, but in so many letters. Their email signature said something like ‘Tinydick McFuckhead, PMP’. And I am like, what the fuck is a ‘PMP’? I googled it and got this pretentious fuck discussion.
When someone uses worthless, unknown-to-the-majority-of-the-world letters after their name that just transcends pompous and pretentious. I can physically sense how small their cocks (unfuckably, shriveled tight their cunts are) are. It’s the written-language equivalent of having a tribal arm band, always wearing an ear-piece phone or gnawing on an unlit cigar—its just an easy, convenient way of letting people know you are a douchebag without forcing them to directly interact with you to discern it.
How low must your self-esteem be that you can placate your ego with letters after your name? I understand you studied one whole week for some bullshit certification test in the field of your pathetic job, but just because the bullshit testing organization says you passed, mass mailed you a personalized certificate with a gold seal and a letter saying ‘Congratulations, you are now a Certified Loser In This’, doesn’t mean you need to append C.L.I.T. after your name in your email signature and revel at how awesome you are for passing said shitty exam.
(Speaking of reveling in your own awesomeosity, how about the name of that imaginary certification? Get it? ‘Certified Loser In This’—the acronym forms the word ‘clit’. I am told that’s part of the female pussy (yeah I know, ‘female pussy’. You don’t have to explain it to me, I wrote it.) Sweet nippleless mastectomy scars I am awesome. I made it so that the certification that person received, when abbreviated formed the acronym C.L.I.T., thus implying that the person who got that certification was a pussy. David Berkowitz’s Neighbor’s Dog Almighty, that’s fucking good. Plicitly, im- and ex-, I am one witty negro.)
Now that’s how you revel in your own mediocrity. You don’t throw letters after your name hoping to impress dumbfucks who are too embarrassed about not knowing what your suffix means to speak up and call you on your bullshit.
Sincerly,
Jason Curless, P.Db.W.L.A.M.N.
(pretentious douchebag with letters after my name)
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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