Activia, Now With More Scam

For millions of years unenlightened people have been squatting around like imbeciles, never realizing they should be more proactive in controlling their bowels. Like idiots, past generations thought it would be fine to just leave it up to nature to decide when they shit. Never even thinking that they should force bacteria into their system that would help them shit more frequently.

Shit Technology Enters the 22nd Century

What neanderthals.

How barbaric.

Not fucking with your body and just accepting what it says about how and when you should shit. What a naive, backwards time. Thank god we are such a greatly advanced culture.

Speaking of advanced cultures and forcing your body to shit when you want it to, Bifidus Regularis is both those things. Sounds like a scam right? Well, it is mostly. Bifidus Regularis is the active culture in the shit inducing yogurt; Activia. If you read the literature you will find that Bifidus Regularis is only in Activia. Which sounds pretty impressive until you see the little trademark symbol (™) on it and read further to find out that fucking Bifidus Regularis shit is a trademark held by Dannon.

They cultivated some bullshit bacteria, gave it a hokey, Latin sounding name and paid the Trademark Office so that no one else could use that bullshit, misleading name. Well duh motherfuckers, since you paid to not allow anyone else to use that bullshit, misleading name, nobody else but Activia is going to use that bullshit misleading name.

But don’t feel sorry for the idiots who buy it. Some people were just born to be scammed. Like fatties chasing a weight loss miracle or the old ladies keeping Publisher’s Clearing House in business thinking that they are going to win big in the sweepstakes if they just buy a couple more subscriptions to magazines they don’t need.

Really, most people who get scammed deserve it. I mean, how fucking vain or obsessive/compulsive do you have to be to be worried about the length of time it takes for you to make a poopy? And how fucking much of an unthinking, advertising susceptible retard do you have to be to actually buy something that says it will make you crap like clockwork?

It’s probably best if those people don’t have that money. I mean, they’d probably just blow it on something retarded, like magic yogurt.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.

Comments

Yeah, about the comment, Infertility and miscarriages are god’s way of saying you shouldn’t be a parent. Go ahead and listen to him on this one.”

That is bullshit. I didn’t asked to be raped by my father that caused complications. I am a good person and love kids. Infertility is a big issue involving foods and medications ingested that cause infertility. Since, you know everything check into the swine flu and how it was actually invented by bilderberg and the force of infertility Bilderberg is an organization that wants population to be 500,000 it is written on the stonehage. So before you go putting God into infertility learn your shit. A lot of people have kids and rape, kill,molest and sell their children. So what about them? God wanted them to suffer?

That has got to be the most crazy-packed, properly punctuated two paragraphs ever written. Kudos.

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I really feel there's a good derogatory epithet for southeast Asians that I am missing out on. I mean, there's got to be some word out there to incite Pakistanis and Indians and Bangladeshis. Right? How come I don't know this?