Ad Bukkake

I am pretty sure humans can communicate via telepathy. Based on all the great things to come out of their extensive experimentation and dissection of Jews, the Germans had to have a good theoretical understanding and some limited implementations of it in the 1940’s. Then Bell Labs must have come along and perfected it in the 60’s at the latest.

Look at the internet—it’s over 40 years old, but didn’t start becoming main stream until 15 years ago. There was one thing that held it back.

We Interrupt This Telepathic Message With A Word From Our Sponsors

I am sure telepathy is the same way. Its there, ready for us to all use, cheaply and effectively. The problem though, is that no one has come up with a way to junk up our mental capabilities with advertisements. So there’s really no use in releasing it to the public.

The internet sat around doing nothing for most of the world for a quarter of a century because no one knew how to jizz ads all over everyone. But then, thank god, someone invented spam. And banner ads followed. And adverblogs. And pop-up ads. And those god damn roll over ads whenever your cursor accidentally goes over a key word on a page. And as I type, I am sure leading scientists are working on the next generation of internet ads to drown us with.

That’s the way every medium we have invented has turned out–drowned in ads. When cable T.V. first came out one of its features was that there were no commercials. You paid for the channel subscription and in return all you got was the content on that channel—no bullshit ads between shows. That lasted a couple years. Now cable channels have just as many as network T.V. and like Cinderella, after a certain hour everything turns to shit and every channel has ads disguised as shows–infomercials.

Every fucking medium in the world is an opportunity to advertise shit to sell me. Even when I do break down and buy shit, without missing a beat they are already advertising to me to buy more shit right there on my receipt. I bought a pack of gum today and got a receipt 10 inches long just to accommodate all the ads on the back of it.

Every fucking medium every invented. To this day, two-thirds of the faxes I see are ads for vacations or health care scams. Email is 90% junk. There are guys holding signs outside pizza shops. Flyers on my windshield. Ads on the wall above the urinal. In the theater there ads in the form of movie previews and there are actually god damn minute long commercials for products. That’s not mentioning all the product placement that goes on in a movies and T.V.

Every fucking medium.

I dare you– develop a new method of communication and I will guarantee you it will eventually get saturated with ads. As soon as some one figures out how to force Cialis, OxyClean, Medical Transcription School and ambulance chaser ads in with our telepathic thoughts that’s the day they let the cat out of the bag and show us how to do it.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.

Comments

Good writing. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed my Google News Reader..

Matt Hanson

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

I'm going to take the high road and not even dignify that comment with a 'go fuck yourself you stupid, fat ugly cunt'.