porkjerky plogArchive for December, 2009
My Achy Breaky Heart
It’s a sad, sad day in the world of shit today. We all knew it was coming though, so its not that big of a surprise. But still, its never easy. It pains me to bring myself to say this, but within forty-five minutes I only heard Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus 7 […]
The Poo That Keeps On Giving
The giving continues. First I open this blog and regal you all with wonderful anecdotes about my shit and how blogs suck. Then I create a crap calculator so everyone in the world can calculate theirs or another’s lifetime shit production. Next I start a shitty social networking project by swallowing, shitting and reintroducing into […]
Sludgey Fudge Factory
As this shitty blog draws to a close I swear to Mohammed I am not trying to short change you. There is a turd in that toilet. One came out of my butt at any rate. I sure as shit had to wipe my ass. In fact that’s were the majority of that turd ended […]
Free Shit
How many times have you been putting together a Christmas card, looking for a desktop image for work or for whatever reason needed an image of someone’s shit? You hop on Google images, get lucky and find the perfect crap pic. But then you realize that you are unable to use it because of some […]
Turd Burglars Beware
Turns out raping that fat chick is a better alternative to stealing some petty bloggers shitty post. Yesterday I was amused by bloggers who put inane copyright notices on their sites. They were worried about having their vapid content being stolen. That’s equivalent to having an alarm system installed in your home because you were […]
Solving Problems That Do Not Exist
When it comes to ignorant disillusionedness only fat ugly bitches can match the hubris of bloggers. I used to work with a misinformed, mangled-faced manatee. One day she lost her keys and everyone in the office was halfheartedly looking for them. Honestly, we were all pretty sure that they went down her gullet when she […]
It’s Saying ‘It’s The Thought That Counts’ That Counts
Nothing says, ‘Our culture requires that I get you a gift, but I had no fucking idea and didn’t want to waste any of my precious time giving you a meaningful one’ like a gift card. I love them. They are so awesome. Now, you still need to know a little about the person. Whereas […]
Happy Superficial Prejudicial Atonement Week
Hannukkah is the winter Cinco De Mayo. To the majority of this country, both are viewed as important events to cultures we normally look down upon. These holidays are deemed important by us because no one gives a shit enough to learn about the history of either one of those events or to learn about […]
T Minus 22,938 Turds
I’ve got about 15 more craps left in me for 2009, give or take. But what about in the rest of my life? Now that wasn’t one of those quasi-rhetorical questions I use to lead into some shit calculation. Given my immediate forefathers lifespans, my shit calculator, my genius and my desire to know the […]
You’ve Been Dumbfuckstruck
Da na na na na na na na…. Da na na na na na na na… Da na na na na na na na… Da na na na na na na na… Da na na na na na na na… THUNDER Da na na na na na na na… THUNDER Da na na na na […]
