porkjerky plogT Minus 22,938 Turds
I’ve got about 15 more craps left in me for 2009, give or take. But what about in the rest of my life?
Now that wasn’t one of those quasi-rhetorical questions I use to lead into some shit calculation. Given my immediate forefathers lifespans, my shit calculator, my genius and my desire to know the worthless; finding it out specifically would be trivially easy.
But it would be psychologically difficult. I don’t know if I could take it knowing I only had X amount of craps left to take in my life. Every crap would then be part of a countdown to my death. No, that’s not something I want to know.
How horrible would it be to know you had only 112 more shits to take? To be at the store, go down the toilet paper aisle, throw some Charmin in your cart, then it hits you, ‘That 16 pack might be overkill. I should probably stick to those single ScottTissue rolls from here on out’.
Every crap would bring you that much closer to death. You would almost literally be crapping your life away. Shitting would become a sad experience. Like having a punch card of days until your death.
No thanks, like all those red headed bastards kids out there that might have my DNA, that grinding sound my car makes when I take left turns and the STD’s I am probably walking around with—I prefer not to know the specifics of how many shits I have left in me.
I’ll keep my bliss thank you very much.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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