porkjerky plogArchive for December, 2009
All Pooped Out
I have an absolutely irrational fear. Far more frightful than my fear of popular success. Luckily this ultimate fear of mine has a zero chance of happening. It still keeps me up at night though. I am totally terrified, even speaking about it makes me cringe, that somehow, someway something I say or do will […]
Oh The Places You Will Shit
Allocation Of My Shit By State For 2009 Like an Electoral College map on election night, this is just a projection. Of shit. I still owe you one turd in 2009, but through complex statistical polling, I project that this year’s last turd will will be awarded to the state of Kansas. The map above […]
Comprehensive Blasphemy
Prepare to have your mind blown by the deep societal statement I created in my toilet. I got a page from a Koran, ripped the 10 commandments from a Torah, dropped in some holier-than-thou atheist propaganda, sprinkled in some confetti made from the Book of Mormon, dropped in a picture of L. Ron Hubbard and […]
Bob Sagetitis
I have an absolutely rational fear. My penultimate fear in life is that something I create will be universally loved. Oh jesus, I don’t know if I could handle that. I don’t like people and the thought of creating something that every single one of you sons a bitches likes all at the same time […]
Tushy Von Heineybottom, M.D.
I like to think that somewhere, somehow, someone’s life was saved by an overzealous proctologist. A guy who serendipitously comes upon a person with an as yet undiagnosed medical emergency of their butt. And because of the overzealous proctologist’s knowledge and immediate action the guy is saved from an agonizing and eminent death. Unfortunately, I […]
Just Shut Up And Get Off The Internet
Its my 0th annual Closing My Blog Closing-My-Blog Post . This is the time of year where I sit around with my dick in my hand, remind you this shit sucking blog is closing in a week and poke fun at blogs who felt the need to make posts about how they were/are closing their […]
The Perfect Shit
Here’s a holiday mystery for you Scooby. What’s missing in the above picture? Give up? Here’s another hint. Subtract 1 from that and there’s your answer.
Fuck Abortions, Will The Government Cover My Butthole?
What problems do you get with your asshole from old age? Loose Anus Syndrome? Soupy Bowel Condition? Wrinkled Brown Eye Spots? Sphincter Parkinsons? What’s in store for my pooper? Anything I can do to increase the mileage on it? I don’t want to sound like one of these new age, yoga posing health nuts, but […]
Raising Ignorance About Awareness
You know what I could live a day without: Being made aware of shit I know about. Autims exists? No fucking way. So does Cervical Cancer? And Alzheimer’s? You’ve got to be shitting me. Next thing you know you’ll be trying to convince me that non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, Asperger’s and child abuse all occur. Holy shit, […]
Christianity, It’s For The…Well You Know
At first I thought it was a tired, shitty Christian metaphor. You know, something about soaring with God or how we all need Jesus in our nests or how the holy spirit is there to preen us and regurgitate sustenance into our mouths or how god indiscriminately shits all over our freshly washed cars. But […]
