porkjerky plogArchive for November, 2009
The Miracle Of Turdbirth
Some times, when the lighting is just right, you situated yourself in the correct position, the stars line up perfectly and you’re willing to get a nose full of ass; you can watch the turd you are crapping inch its way out your butt. Its like watching the miracle of childbirth without any of the […]
The Turd’s Prayer
Dear lord in heaven, Creator of all, provider of everything, giver of life and with whom I shall spend eternal bliss, I ask you to please hear my prayer today and allow this enormous turd to finally exit this vessel of a body that you have been kind of enough to bless me with. Oh […]
Providence
Yesterday’s shitty blog made me realize that I love what slot machines represent. We use specific technologically advancements to exploit our general social stagnation. You ever hear a story about how ancient civilizations lived–some weird nonsensical practices they did and think ‘Why would they think the world works like that? What idiots.’ I don’t. I […]
Shitty Shill Blog
Beat The Slots Blog, is one turd of a website. So craptastic its today’s Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award winning blog. First and leastmost, as is customary with most winners, it has Google ads on it. Of course they may be hard to find, you know, hidden in all the other fucking ads on the god […]
No Harm In Asking
Whenever I hear someone say ‘Well, there was no harm in asking.’, I immediately kick them in the balls, poke them in the eyes, steal their wallet, shit on them, decapitate their pets and sodomize to death everyone who claims to be their friend or family. Usually, as they are writhing in pain, begging me […]
Tis The Season
Guess who made it that much easier for you to kill yourself? That’s right, I did. Forever you’ve been tying and retying the same piece of rope into a noose so it looks just perfect, scouting out the sturdiest place in your house to use it, going through all your chairs to find the one […]
Cat’s In The Cradle
Frank Caliendo is to Rich Little what the Second Gulf War is to Vietnam. And on behalf of my generation, I would like to apologize for that. In the mid 90’s I had a class where the teacher was talking about the Vietnam War and how he knew a bunch, a bunch of people who […]
Mirror, Mirror, Who’s The Shittiest Of Them All?
While releasing my poopbucks into the wild of Las Vegas, I took some time to smell its roses and unfortunately, saw all the turds they grew in. Vegas is and brings out the worst in people, all without them recognizing it. That’s a compliment by the way. I was watching the fountains at the Bellagio […]
Like Nails Scratching On My Cornea
Ok, I dug deeper. You’re welcome. After my initial dismay at finding so many results for my youtube search of the word ‘blog’, I started on my prolonged dismay of searching through a ton of those videos to find a shitty blog on there to give an Intermittently Given Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award to. Oh […]
Video Blogs: The Future Of Boring
Lord, o’fuck, cunt almighty. Me and my great ideas. There I was, laughing my head off, enjoying my favorite pastime of watching serious injuries videos on youtube, when genius hit. Or more accurately–now that I know the results–when ungenius hit. I interrupted my motorcycle tricks gone bad video and immediately decided to type those 4 […]
