porkjerky plogArchive for November, 2009
More Toilets Than You Can Shake Your Ass At
3 tops right? Maybe 5. Well, there’s California and they probably have some hippie faggot rules to limit how much water they can use, so 7. That’s seems right. Then just for a margin of error, lets multiply that by 1.5 and round up. So 11. At most, in the United States I am guessing […]
The Secret Of My Excitebike Success
By my calculations, which are gospel by the way, people have been shitting for roughly 500,000 million years. That’s more than enough time to get good at something. In 1986 I played Excitebike for like 4 hours a day for 6 months. FYI, I got pretty fucking good. There wasn’t a trick or track I […]
This Is Not A Test
Wake the fuck up. There’s cheap worthless shit you need to buy. Wake the fuck up. Jesus Christ are you a communist? Why do you hate America? Don’t let the terrorist continue to win, get out there and rationalize buying shit you don’t need by its price compared to what it was and will be. […]
Laziness Rewarded
Its finally here. Todays the day. Its that special time of year again. The time when lazy fucks all around the country stay in their recliners and give thanks for the holiday season that is upon us. Today is their favorite holiday. That’s right, Thanksgiving marks the day when their sloth and apathy finally get […]
Do It Yourself Fuck Video Tips
Homemade pornography videos are like car wrecks to me. I can’t turn away. Never, absolutely never are the people engaged in it attractive. The camera work sucks. Quality and lighting is abysmal. Often action occurs out of frame. It never gives me a boner, but for the life of me I am addicted to homemade […]
Internet Shit: How Much And What Type
I don’t think there’s any way to tell who crapped the first turd picture onto the internet. The Neil Armstrong of internet shit pics if you will. The guy brave enough to go, ‘Hey, I should share with the world an image of one of my bowel movements‘. That guy was a genius. Right up […]
The Porn Paradox
After writing yesterday’s post and rewarding myself by whacking off to girls cleaning toilet seats with their tongues, I realized The Stay Puff Marshmallow Theory of Shitty Blogs applies to pornography. Any type of pornography you can imagine, no matter how nonsensical, counter-intuitive, oxymoronic or just plain retarded, is a valid type of pornography. I […]
The Disgusting Truth About Disgusting Porn Blogs
One of the most common blogs I am finding is the porn site marketing blog. Back in the olden days of 1997, all you needed was a url and some sluts to start a porn site that made money. Pimping was easy. Then it went all 9/11 (that’s a new idiom I am trying out, […]
Fun With The Law Of Sines
Get our your gas masks and calculators out boys and girls, its time for a pop poop quiz. Be sure to show your work. We want to find out the length of the turd that is pictured horizontally. Here’s what we know: The vertical poop (B) is 15 centimeters long. Where the turds (A, B) […]
The Crapalypse
I should probably have sought legal advice before posting this picture. I’m sure this is going to be used as evidence against me at my trial. I’m definitely sure I’m violating my Miranda rights on this one. What I did to that toilet can’t be legal. Tar black, smelling of death, hot as hell and […]
