porkjerky plogThe Turkey Baster Tribulations
Oh my god I was so blind. They aren’t completely vapid. Blogs aren’t as worthless as tits on a retard. They are as fun as tits on a retard.
It’s all about perspective. I couldn’t see the pussy for the vulva. Today though, I was able to take a step back and finally realize the best thing about them: Blogs allow people to share their stories of pain and misery with the world.
And god damn if I don’t enjoy other people’s pain and misery.
Near violent domestic disputes that happen in public are my movies. I still watch and laugh hysterically at the VHS tapes I made of my favorite Rescue 911 episodes. I adore children…who are being beaten in the toy aisle of Wal-Mart because they acted like little shits. I collect car wrecks for christ’s sake. When Maury does DNA testing, it’s like Christmas on my T.V. because I know someone, it doesn’t matter who, is going to be devastated when those results get read.
Unapologetically, other peoples’ pain and misery is my entertainment. And blogs, inherently shitty as they are, are the gifts that keep on giving that.
In that spirit, The Bring Us A Baby Blog is an excellent blog and the current winner of a Whenever Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award. It’s about a couple who told god to go fuck himself, because they know better than him, and are trying to conceive via in vitro fertilization. Of course, three years after they started, god’s still winning.
In terms of pure delight in other people’s misery, this site does not disappoint:
- She miscarried 2 weeks into her well publicized pregnancy.
- Its her fault, not his.
- Well, actually his sperm shoot their load kind of fast.
- It’s peppered with inspirational quotes. You can sense the depression and pain. Glorious.
- Sold out a posting to shill for a certain baby bag. Its not like they can give a testimonial or endorsement though.
- Wrote a letter to their 10 fertilized eggs waiting to be implanted in her that they loved them.
- One week later wrote a letter to their 5 day old embryo professing their love for it. FYI: the embryo never made it out of that barren wasteland she tries to pass off as a womb to read the letter. Actually, I guess it did make it out, just in the toilet as a blotch of bloody cells not a baby.
- Had a friend who uses abortion as a back up birth control plan. It broke her heart and cracked me up.
- Critiques the portrayal of in vitro fertilization in sit-coms.
Conscious getting the best of you and you’re starting to think this is over the line? Well here’s a little pallet cleanser to make mocking this bitch a little more appealing: In this post she espouses her love for Sarah Palin, believes Barack Obama is unpatriotic because he won’t wear a flag pin, she reveals that she works for an ambulance chaser, and she RANDOMLY capitalizes words FOR some reason.
Maybe god’s just as entertained by the misery of idiots as I am. If he is behind her infertility, he’s not working in a mysterious way this time; god’s working in a very pragmatic way. This lady shouldn’t reproduce.
Let’s all thank the good lord above that she’s chronicling her futile attempts at it though.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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