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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Not Retarded Enough

Can retards recognize one another? And do they size one another up to see whose retardeder?

Now, I’ve unfortunately meet a few retards. And I am talking grade A, USDA certified, literal retard not the everyday cut me off in traffic, blue tooth ear piece wearing, clove cigarette smoking figurative retards that permeate life. I mean medical grade, special Olympics eligible retards.

Can those retards recognize other retards? And do they go ‘Thank god, I’m not that retarded—that would suck’.

I’m sure it has to do with the amount of retarded they are. Super retarded, still shit my pants, throw temper trantrums when it rains retarded retards probably are incapable of that. I’ve meet some retards that were so retarded they were blissfully unaware they were. That’s enviable retarded. I could live my whole life that retarded. To be so retarded that in your entire existence you never realize nor care that you are retarded, much less recognize other retards would be the perfect level of retard.

I would think it would go without saying that a retard so retarded he can see he’s retarded wouldn’t be able to discern retardation in other retards.

The retards I feel sorry for are the ones who aren’t so retarded they are blissfully unaware of it. They know what retarded is and realize that’s them. Oh boy, that would suck hard. It’s not like blowing out your ACL or getting a hip replaced—there’s no amount of physical therapy you can undergo to make you less of a retard. Try all the algebra, Twain, chemistry and essays assignments you want, you’re not gritting your teeth and working through being retarded. And to know that would be horrible.

I remember when I was 12 and my brother called the local retard a retard. Corky went bat shit, super retard crazy. He was the bad kind of retarded—smart enough to know he was retarded and that retarded was bad, but still retarded. Like a fat chick who asked for and got the truth about if someone thought she was fat, he was livid.

Of course that doesn’t stop fat chicks from looking at, mocking and comparing themselves to fatter chicks. Are retards the same way? Are the lesser tards able to distinguish the more retarded among them and feel better about themselves?

I sure hope so. The key to a life is finding people worse of than yourself.

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