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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Baby, I Know You Only Lie And Hit Me Because You Love Me

Now I know what a battered wife feels like. I’m hurt, pissed, vengeful and above all, I’ve fallen deeper in love with them the shittier they treat me.

A few weeks ago I mailed (via the U.S. Post Office–we really need a better term than ‘snail mail’ for this) about 35 letters offering various educational institutes (Georgetown University, Rhode Island Community College, Barbecue University, etc.) the excellent opportunity to give me an honorary MBA.

I got 2 responses.

So, I emailed the other 33 and asked them if they received my letter and the status of my honorary MBA.

The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania emailed me back and explicitly lied to me. I couldn’t have asked for a better response. I want their MBA even more now.

That’s what you call credibility my friends. Sure other MBA programs are accredited and have distinguished alumni, but the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania lives and breaths MBA.

Now, if I was going after a philosophy degree or science degree or any other degree other than an MBA, the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania would be a horrible, horrible institution. But this is an MBA. They lied to me–they obviously practice what they teach. They understand what an MBA is about.

Their lie was that they said they don’t offer honorary degrees. As with most things in life I turned to google. I quickly found 3 instances of people who had received honorary degrees from Wharton.

Now, I know what you are thinking—how can you trust some random fucks on the internet who say they got an honorary degree from Wharton? How do you know the people who said they received the degrees weren’t themselves the liars?

Because the 3 instances I found where honorary degrees were said to be awarded were on the Wharton site itself:

So please, if you are thinking of getting your MBA, there is really only one choice: The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. They know what an MBA is truly about and have the ethics and experience to teach you properly.

Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, you don’t have to apologize, you were right to treat me like that. I deserved it. You were just doing what was best. I’ll just tell people I fell.

Now let me get you a beer and give you a nice back rub. Baby, yous so good to me.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.