porkjerky plogArchive for August, 2009
Free Shit For Sale
Remember 15 years ago when we all sat around making fun of those dumbfuck companies who were selling bottled water? God damn, we were so smart and prophetic. Who in their right mind is going to pay money for something you can get free? What a retarded business. Bottled water. Those dumbfucks will be broke […]
New Or Improved
I think part of the reason that human communication has turned into an unrehearsed play with lines we all need to speak and listen to without actually paying attention to, is bullshit marketing. We are drowned in ads that we can’t afford to pay attention to. If we did we would spend our entire lives […]
As Creative As A Something Or Other
I was once on a job interview where the Human Resources Whore told me that in their organization creativity is a key to success and even in her position of being a Human Resources Whore, she often had to think outside the box to effectively do her job. She then asked me if I would […]
Deadly Shit
On this very night, 22 years ago, on this same stretch of porcelain, in the dense fog, just like this. It was the worse crap ever shit. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building. And when they finally pulled the crapper’s body from the twisted, burning toilet it […]
Psychic Rotisserie Chicken
This shouldn’t come as a surprise to them. The Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award Number Something Or Other goes to the Free Psychic Sight Blog. What a shitty fucking blog. First and foremost its not really a blog, but a fucking spam garden. As in the site exists solely to sell something—psychic readings. Every post has […]
Douchebag Insurance
One of my absolute fears in life is not burning enough bridges. Being polite, holding back and not telling people to suck my dick. Figuratively that is, when I tell people to suck my dick it’s a lot more eloquent, personalized, insightful and mean than those 3 words. I cringe everytime I miss an opportunity […]
Extra Sensory Poo
I don’t believe in the occult: Ghosts, destiny, the holocaust, Ouija boards, human equality, telekinesis, dyslexia, horoscopes, democracy, poltergeists, chiropractors or any of that other mystical bullshit. But, I think my crap is trying to tell me something. I pooped an arrow. Not to get all high and mighty, Ace of Base on you; but […]
A Turd By Any Other Name
‘African-American’ is the new ‘colored’. We (which as usual means white people) all have that 80 year old person in our lives (I’m not naming any great aunts by name, but you know who you are) who, to be polite and respectful when referencing black people uses the term they were taught was the least […]
MBA Here I Come
My motivation in life to do something is a function of how retarded people will think I am for doing it, how easy it is and the satisfaction I would get from the range of outcomes it produces. The more stupid an idea, the less I have to work to achieve it and the more […]
Mobius Shit
I think I crapped an M.C. Escher. What a paradoxical poop. There’s no end and no beginning. How did that shit come out my butt and end up like that? There’s no rational explanation. Its like 2 hands drawing another. Except with poop instead of hands. Or the physically impossible waterfall. Except with turds instead […]
