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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Logical Destiny

It’s amazing the decisions people don’t know they make. Namely the decision they make to not explicitly make decisions.

I think most people live their life in the Forrest Gump method—just floating through like a leaf in the wind. Wherever life takes them is where they go. No need to try and direct it, maybe take some initiative and aim for a destination. Nope, they are just content to float through life reveling in whatever good comes their way and cursing luck for the bad that happens along their path-of-least-resistance life.

They never realize that they are somehow responsible for all of it.

That’s great if you’re Forrest Gump and are lucky enough to have all those great adventures and nice coincidences occur. But what’s a more realistic expectation of someone who unconsciously decides to not make decisions in their life?

I saw it for the 453rd time at the mall today.

He was pushing a kid in stroller with another 2 kids tugging at his XXXL Carmelo Anthony jersey begging for a cinnamon roll while he angrily apologized to his equally overweight wife for not remembering to grab the Bed, Bath and Beyond coupon from their Windstar dashboard with personalized license plate ‘HLLRZR’, a garter hanging from the rear view mirror and Sponge Bob sun shades on both back windows.

For some reason, that only made me smile a lot. It wasn’t until I saw the tribal arm band tattoo that I really started beaming. Tribal arm band tattoos always make my day for some reason.

Actually, this reason: In my mind I pictured that guy 10 years and 120 pounds ago, drunk, in a tattoo parlor at 2 in the morning with his 5 best friends getting that ink done. Thinking to himself how fucking-A kick ass cool that tattoo will be and how great his life will now turn out because of it. It was a sign that he was his own man. He wasn’t going to take no shit from no one never (his words). He was the master of his destiny and life was going to bow down to him.

What a boss fucking tattoo.

It might have been the last real decision he made in his life.

From then on though, all the other decisions he made in the previous 10 years which led him to that exact moment in both our lives where I was watching him get yelled at for forgetting to grab a coupon, were probably not ones he actively chose. He just took life as it came, and like a Plinko chip that started out with so much promise, it somehow landed in that slot at the mall with me gawking at him.

I’m not saying it was a bad non-decision to just take what life gave him as opposed trying to not be that guy in the mall with the 3 booger eaters, 1 fat wife and no coupons. Honestly, anyone with a tribal arm band tattoo probably doesn’t make the best decisions in life and just going with the flow probably isn’t a bad alternative to whatever shitty explicit decisions he would have made.

I’m just saying it was beautiful in a painful sort of way to know that he existed and had that existence. It wasn’t karma, it wasn’t fate, it wasn’t the easter bunny or any other thing that doesn’t exist. It was what I like to call ‘logical destiny’.

It was just beautiful to see the logical conclusion of a life guided by personal ambivalence. That’s why all tribal arm band tattoos make my day. They all end up on ‘that guy’’s arm. Not specifically that ‘that guy’’s arm, but ‘that guy’. Oh, it may not be today the life attached to that tribal arm band tattoo turns out that way, it may not be tomorrow or next month. But somewhere somehow every tribal arm band tattoo ends up in a very similar fate.

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