porkjerky plogCNN, The Reverse SETI
CNN is a smoke alarm with dying batteries. Except less useful, more annoying and neither saves your life nor adds anything meaningful to it.
Remember the last time the batteries in your remote went out? You did what any normal person would do, you lived with it for the first couple of days by making sure you aimed the damn thing perfectly at the cable box and when that no longer worked you got off your ass and got new batteries. You put the new batteries in, put the old batteries in the smoke alarm and threw away the old batteries in the smoke alarm.
Then though, about 2 weeks later you heard this chirping. Just this annoying high-pitched beacon telling you the smoke alarm was slowly dying. Every 45 seconds. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Constantly. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. High pitched and annoying.
That is CNN.
Its like a reverse SETI. Instead of searching for intelligent life, it spits out signals in all directions and manners hoping someone will validate their existence and tell them that they are intelligent life.
The television screen alone is a desperate cry for attention. You have the telepromptee talking along with a corresponding graphic or video clip. There’s a news crawl scrolling the bottom of the screen along with a stock ticker. The right column will have upcoming stories. Then if there’s breaking news that doesn’t merit mention in one of the 4 other areas they put a flashing scroll at the top of the fucking screen . Periodically, on top of the bottom scroll there will be an ad for an upcoming CNN show letting you know about future annoying beacons to come on the station.
Their strategy is that if they threw enough shit in enough directions they might get lucky and people will pay attention to them. Shot gun, scattershot news: It may not be good but its everywhere.
The fucking Cable News Network has even expanded their shit throwing to non Cable Networks as well. They are all over the internet with their blogs. I counted at least 29 unique ones set up on their site.
I wondered how much shit those CNN blogs were responsible for spewing onto the net. Since July 1, 2009 there have been over 3,000 unique posts on that fucking site. That’s more than 100 a day.
Then just, because my balls didn’t feel thoroughly stomped, I wondered what would happen if I further searched those 3,000 posts to see how many contained the term ‘Michael Jackson’. Since July 1, 2009 until now over half of the 3,000 blog posts CNN has crapped onto the web have referenced Michael Jackson.
Chirp.
Chirp.
Chirp.
Chirp.
Chirp.
Please quit encouraging them by paying attention.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
Comments
No comments yet.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.