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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Many Super Happy Respects Upon Your Blog

Is there anyone sadder, more pitiful than motivational speakers? I use both of those adjectives in their literal senses with no mocking intention at all. That will come later.

Sad as in the, ‘I am going to cry because I am unhappy’ way. Do truly happy people devote that much of their lives trying to be happy? No–it just happens. It’s like fat chicks who are self-taught Doctorates of Nutrition—they spend all their time learning about the intricacies of what each food you could ever eat does, what it contains, how that chemically breaks down when digested yet are still fat pieces of shit. Skinny people, just eat right and are active—no mystery, no hours of reading, no time spent trying to find loopholes in the system. Same thing with happy people, they just are happy and don’t devote their lives to finding out why or collecting pithy quotes on the subject.

Motivational speakers are also pitiful; in the ‘I genuinely feel sorry for them’ way (well, if it was medically possible for me to pity). I’ve been forced to listen to those guys and they have what I call ‘Single Motheritis’. Everything they are saying about how happy they are is mainly for their own benefit. If you’ve spent even 2 seconds with a single bitch with kids, you know what I mean. They’re not really trying to convince you with what they say, they are trying to convince themselves that the bullshit they are spouting about success and achieving happiness is true and if repeated/heard enough times it will come true for them. Single mothers are always saying how they’re kids are going to be ok, how they don’t need a man, how they are happy single but like motivational speakers, its in the hope that repeating it enough they buy their own bullshit or it magically becomes true. That kind of pitiful.

With that knowledge in hand, I figured I’d easily find one motivational douche with a blog that is worthy of a Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award. After puking up and swallowing back down a couple liters of bile trying to find the perfect one, I did.

Out of the tons and tons of motivational speaker blogs (I assfuck you not, there are tons and tons), I have bestowed on Wuryanano.com a Randomly Given Porkjerky.com Shitty Blog Award. Congratulations; or as they say in Indonesia after Google translates it, ‘Many super happy respects upon you’.

Yeah I found an Indonesian Zig Zeigler with a blog. Hell fuck yeah. One of my main motivation for choosing this blog over the millions of others was that this douchebag is less likely to use this award as marketing fodder. I know how those losers work: ‘turn that frown upside down’, ‘its not a problem, it’s an opportunity’, ‘if you’re gonna get raped, might as well lay back and enjoy it’, etc. If I were to give this to any English speaking piece of shit I am almost certain this post would be referenced in one of their own as an ‘educational improvement opportunity’ for them. You know those losers google their names every night hoping that just 1 more person in the world knows their name today than yesterday. If I gave an English speaking motivational dipfuck any type of recognition it would only be a matter of time before they found out that I specifically called them a douchebag, their blog shitty and their gay lover fat. And then the fucker would spin the whole thing positive, probably even thanking me for my opinion, demonstrating how their positive motivating skills helped them effectively deal with it, what they are going to do moving forward to improve everything and how you too can learn these techniques by booking them for an event.

Oh jesus, here comes the bile again.

So to avoid that all together, I am giving it to some Indonesian positive thinker fuck. But please don’t think I am an indonesianist, his blog truly is shitty. So shitty in fact when I clicked on the Translate this page link in google it brought down my Internet Explorer.

In the face of having to load another motivational speaker blog, my browser chose death instead.

Unluckily I was able to get it to load in another browser. No matter what language positive thinker drivel is in, it all sucks. Essentially the site is there to sell his ‘Super Mind’ books which teach you how to be happy and how to be successful. Oh thank god, the 826,189 books in Amazon tagged with the word ‘success’ just wasn’t cutting it.

Here’s a platitude of my own, no matter what language, nationality or how nice their suit is, never trust anyone selling god, government nor happiness.

Again, Many super happy respects upon you Wuryanano.com for your excellently shitty blog and choice of professions.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.