porkjerky plogArchive for June, 2009
Smooth As A Crazy Man’s Arms
Is there anything more creepy than a guy with shaved arms? That’s a psychological sign. That dude’s got something wrong with him. Its like being a stripper–nothing is inherently wrong with it, but its a sympton of you being fucked up. That’s a medical fact. Ok, you want to be a porn star and do […]
A Boy, His Anus And A Dream
Finally, after months of perfecting my technique I did it. My hours of practice, dedication and my innate abilities have finally paid the dividends I knew they would. Success is mine. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there about hard work, setting goals and following through. You can’t just sit around […]
Here’s What Else You Get – Shit
Good news, you can own your own Porkjerky.com Erratically Awarded Shitty Blog Award winning site. Today’s prize-getter is for sale. That’s actually how I found it. As I was sitting at the computer splattered in my own semen and fingers smelling of poo, inspiration struck. I wondered if any fuck was retarded enough to sell […]
Rhyming Household Tip
If a cat keeps filling your yard with poo, Here’s a trick Martha Stewart won’t teach you; He can keep on licking, But closed tight, its sticking Cats’ assholes are no match for super glue
Happy Juneteenth
Happy Juneteenth everyone. What a fucking retarded, stupid, dumbass, shit-sucking, idiotic, truly American holiday. This is right up there with the plaque in Topeka that celebrates Brown vs. Board Of Education, the 1965 Voting Rights Act, Dr. Martin Luther King Boulevard in Memphis and every time someone congratulates a fat dumbfuck for dropping a little […]
This Is Not A Test
Jeez O’Christ. This will probably be the last post ever. Not for me, but for blogkind. The New World Order is taking over and I for one will be spending the Tribulation in my refashioned Y2K bunker (formerly my Rodney King Race War fortress, formerly my 12/3/90 earthquake module, formerly my father’s Cola Wars sanctuary, […]
It Was A Gift
As I laid in bed with a finger in my ass jerking off to Roni Deutch commericials that are infrequently seperated by actual day time T.V. shows, I saw someone I knew. Kind of. Today, the second case on Judge Judy was the mother of one of the roadside crosses I found suing her ex-best […]
The Ole Turd Defense
I wonder if there has ever been a murder investigation that required the cops to do some CSI analysis on a turd to see how long it had been sitting around in a shitter decomposing. I turded around 5 today, had to run some errands and forgot about this little bastard sitting in my crapper […]
Father Knows Best
My father, who’s full of great advice and wit; Said we’re gonna talk about love and to sit. Call me old fashioned, Maybe unpassioned; Son, true love doesn’t make you eat a girls shit.
Prima Facie Shitty Blog
Twitter has a blog. Thats like finding out the skanky girl in high school who you hated because she was such a bitch turned out to be an anal porn star who flaunts and lords her misachieved popularity over people who are disgusted by it. Technically its not changed anything, you just feel a little […]
