porkjerky plogSmooth As A Crazy Man’s Arms
Is there anything more creepy than a guy with shaved arms? That’s a psychological sign. That dude’s got something wrong with him. Its like being a stripper–nothing is inherently wrong with it, but its a sympton of you being fucked up.
That’s a medical fact.
Ok, you want to be a porn star and do everything you see in movies so that’s why you shave your balls and wax your ass. Gay, the bad kind, but I get that rationalization. Don’t appreciate that you basically bragged about it and brought it up in conversation without being asked, but at least its not as bad as shaving your arms.
Even faggier, but still understandable are your eyebrows which are a little too sculpted for my taste. You’re headed down the slipper slope to crazy town. The most homosexualest but still not definitely psychotic are the dudes that get manicures. Shallow fuck? Yes. Retarded? Definitely. Pyschologically damaged? Inconclusive.
However, when you start shaving your arms, that’s a tough act to justify. That’s not even part of a slippery slope even more—you’ve headed down that hill a couple miles. Its like a teenager who dissects neighborhood animals and constantly talks about and actually sets things on fire—that’s a sign.
A sign you’re fucking crazy.
And not the crazy everyone jokingly talks about like when your grandfather mixes mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup and Worcestershire sauce to put on his fries or when the annoying fat bitch you work with calls herself crazy for staying up until 11:15 last night. Dudes shaving their arms is the bad kind of crazy. The ‘I-wish-my-daddy-loved-me, talk-only-in-self-motivational-platitudes and live-like-GQ-tells-me-how-to-live’ crazy. The bad kind.
Gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it. That’s not a spur of the moment idea. Its not like being bored, getting some tweezers and completely covering the handle of your brother’s toothbrush with nose hairs. Shaving your arms is a premeditated act you spent some thought, time and money on. Its an act you went out of your way to do. I assume its something you thought would increase your attractiveness.
How long would it take you to shave your arms?
In your life, I bet you’ve never entertained that idea. Good for you, that’s the correct answer. Those shaven arm fucks have though. So to see how their mind operates, lets work through it. First, I’m going to need some arm shaving razors and appendage shaving gel. Do they even make that stuff? That’s at least an hour on the internet and at Wal-Mart researching and getting the right equipment.
Then I’m going to have to draw a bath—that’s ten more minutes. I’m going to have to spend at least another 10 deciding where to start. From my wrist to my shoulder? That’s going to make the back of my hand look weird. Might as well get that too. And fuck if I’m doing that might was well get the fingers too. That’s going to be a good 10 minutes just getting my fingers and hands, even before I get to my actual arms. The arms themselves should only take 10 minutes total for both. Of course I just know I am going to nick up my elbows and cut that mole on my left forearm. Add another 5 minutes to stop bleeding and cussing.
I completely forgot the 5 minutes I will have to take to do my wrists. I will be so scared and go so god damn slow because I’ll be so nervous about accidentally killing myself. So to get my arms as smooth and silky as a neurotic, OCD baby’s its going to take me 2 hours.
Told you it was a sign of craziness.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.
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wanna know another sign of fooking crazy? a guy obsessed with pictures of shit.. good bye, got a chuckle or two from the rhymes but hitting the home button now not to return… good luck with your problem.