Coach’s Corner

Dear lord, we ask that you watch over everyone shitting today. Please save us all from anal fissures, rectal tears, prolapsed ani and any other injury that the devil will try to throw at us. For your glory we crap. Amen. Now lets get out there and put on a shitting clinic.

Way to crap Jenkins, gimme five.

Oh come one guys, that’s a bunch of bush-league, horse-shit shitting right there. My dead, colostomy bagged grandmother crapped better than that when she had the heart attack that killed her. Now lets work a little and get this done.

Hands in the middle everyone, hands in the middle. Who’s better than Team Porkjerky.com Shitters? Oh come on you can do better than that. I said, ‘Who’s better than Team Porkjerky.com Shitters?’. That’s right, now I can hear you. One more time: Who’s better than Team Porkjerky.com Shitters? God damn right, now lets get out there and make our mama’s proud.

Oh my god Trevor, you shit like a little girl. Come on Ms. Priss, don’t be afraid to get in there, get your hands a little crappy and make some things happen.

I’m truly proud to be part of this team. I’m not gonna lie to you, there’s better individual shitters out there, but damn it, there’s no collective group of crappers that can outshit us on our best day, if and this is a big damn if, if we work together. So what do you say?

Gimme a break. Is that what you guys call crapping? Please. If I don’t see some real effort on those shitters we can just pull up our pants and run laps for the rest of the day.

Heads up guys–you have nothing to be ashamed of. You guys crapped your asses off and I am damn proud of you. You know, some days the turd breaks in half, some days you clog the shitter, sometimes you run out of toilet paper and somedays you’re just constipated. Not every day is going to be our day. You shit your best and that’s all I can ask for.

Great job out there today team. Now let’s hit the bidets.