porkjerky plogArchive for May, 2009
Roses And My Ass Are Red, Violets Are Blue…
I once had an awesomely hairy tush A candy binge left me straining to push A turd of gummy bears yanked all my anus hairs Thus the end of my beautiful ass-bush.
Ass Deep In Team Bullshit
Jesus H. god damn fucking christ lord almighty cunt fuck shit piss whore. Now, I know I say that a lot, but this time I literally mean it. And when I literally say ‘literally’, I literally mean ‘literally’. Literally. Jesus H. god damn fucking christ lord almighty cunt fuck shit piss whore. Last week I […]
You Should Have Seen The One That Got Away
She was the length of an oarsman’s row if she was an inch I tell ye. And thick as a turret to boot. This was my Moby Dick. Holy crap. I first noticed this beast at 2 in the morning. Rumbling, tumbling, churning and convulsing. Oh, it would be fight for sure. A fight I […]
Where Art Thou, Billy Mays?
2 days ago we took a trip down memory lane, reminiscing about a much simpler time. A time when gasoline had lead, presidents were white, movies were either G, PG, R, or X and we were so ignorant and misinformed that we actually expected women to have hair on their cunts. How young and naïve […]
There’s No ‘I’ In ‘Shit’
For a country so in love with bravado talk about individuality, capitalism and self-determination, we sure are a bunch of socialist, communism acting pussies. Everything is a fucking team event. Not a sport mind you, an event. School projects you get put on a team, although you’re graded individually. At work there’s all kinds of […]
Pussy-dos
Remember the good ole days when chicks had hair on their cunts? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to seem like some deranged social deviant who doesn’t love the look of a 10 year old’s pussy. I’m not a weirdo ok–I can’t get enough of the pre-pubscent, status quo snatch. Every chick in the […]
Shit For Brains Know It All
I have never met a fat bitch who wasn’t an expert on nutrition. When you hear a chunky chick talk about carbohydrates and ketosis and metabolic rates and onomatopoeia and saturated fats you would think she was a god damn doctoral student in biology. That’s until you look at her drooping belly, huge ass, 4 […]
Painful Poopy Poetry
A piece of shit was once in my ass A turd I thought I would never pass scratched the length of my gut, tons of blood out my butt When did I swallow a piece of glass?
It’s Unamimous, Happy Mother’s Day
No surprise here. It was quite a trouncing, that frankly, everyone saw coming. The only shocking part is that it wasn’t a shut out. By a score of 17,776 to 2, Happy Mother’s Day solidly beat bitch mother for the more popular blog post title on 5/10/2009. So, Happy Mother’s Day or in that rare […]
Another Award Winning Shitty Blog
How far do you think the average person is away from a weather forecast? 15 seconds tops? Right? And that’s including all the Amazon, African and Micronesian tribes that think the weather can be manipulated by their deceased ancestors if cajoled properly with a disemboweled goat. And anyone else, like poor people, old people and […]
