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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Down Shit Creek

Where do my piss and shit go? I understand the theory: when I get around to it and flush the toilet my poop and pee snake through my house on a stream of water, through pipes and out to the sewer and then to some waste treatment center in the poor part of town.

But I want specifics, I want a map. I want a Discovery Channel documentary. I want a tour. I want someone to set up shitpath.com where I can enter my address and see the exact route one of my turds takes from my asshole to wherever its destined.

The ocean? Fertilizer on some farm? Africa? Cheez-it factory? Landfill? Yucca Mountain? Burned up as fuel for the power plant? I have no clue.

I’ve seen the plumbing in my house so I know exactly how my turds flow out of my house, and I’ve had the luck of seeing it come back in. So I have that covered—a big fucking pipe in my basement. But then where?

Do all the houses on my block feed into one line running down my street? After that does that line feed into another larger line somewhere? Is it like a river system where small brooks of shit form small creeks of shit which dump into streams of shit until it all dumps into the main shit artery? Is there like a huge pipe of shit running beneath Main Street?

And what happens to it, the unwanted pet alligators, used tampons and prom babies when they finally traverse that river of poo and get to the waste treatment plant? Yet again, I am failed by my public education.

I assume it’s a series of filters. First stage huge turds, second stage small turds, so on and so on, down to where there’s a pool of brown colored water that gets filtered into something we can bleach to safely drink. But jump back to that first stage—huge turd seperation. Once separated then what? You got a literal pile of shit on your figurative hands. That just get chucked in a landfill? Bagged up and sold as fertilizer? Don’t say burn it, because then I am going to ask what happens to the shit soot.

Where does all that poop go? Sounds like a question for my civil servants. Stay tuned.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.